Monday, February 27, 2012
As scary as it may be, I bet this kind of thing happens all the time. I'm dyslexic so I invert numbers more often than I get them right, but I'm not a doctor so when you do shit that can kill me, on a somewhat regular basis, I have a right to be furious.
Tomorrow we will have lived in this house for five years. When I moved to this area after my son was born, I kept the same Dr in my old town for a good six months to a year. I like her enough but as time went by, she had a turnover in her office staff that I wasn't pleased with so I bolted in the middle of that. I figure if you're going to drive 30 minutes one way to your doctor's office, you should love them and love them, I did not. Liking them wasn't enough when I had a new baby who needed his own doctor's appointments.
So, I found a new doctor and because I didn't really know anyone out here, I did it through my insurance company. Mistake #1.
She seemed nice enough. I mean I wasn't looking for perfection because that's a waste of time but I made sure she was aware of the fact that I have a kidney issue, Gestational Diabetes (at the time) and a high blood pressure, a good ole' family history! I have an Endocrinologist but I think a General Care Practitioner should be on top of all my issues so she doesn't prescribe something that would go against the medicines I'm already taking or, I don't know...kill me. I've told her at every single appointment that I have diabetes and high blood pressure so I thought she knew. Mistake #2.
I have to say that I've left doctors for many reasons. I move away, insurance issues, things like that but I've never left a doctor's office because I had concerns that the doctor might be an actual quack, until now. Well, that's not totally true. That isn't the only reason I'm leaving. Her office staff is completely worthless and not only that, they're dangerous. I'm not saying her name on here because A, I don't want to get sued and B, I'm saving it for all the reviews I am going to post when I give her reviews online and the letter I will be sending to her office.
I need more from an office staff than to tell me how cute my kids are. I mean it's nice and all but I'd prefer you call me with test results and not lie about no one answering. Let me give you a brief run down of the bullshit my Drs. office has pulled in the last few months alone..
*Never returning my calls.
*Saying they called with test results but I didn't answer. Hello, this is 2012. I have a cell phone and an answering machine. I know if you've called even if you didn't leave a message.
*Prescribing me a medication that contains sulfa. I'm allergic. It should be easy to remember BECAUSE IT'S IN BIG RED PRINT ON MY FILE!!
*Ordering a CT scan and not telling me that I won't be able to take my Diabetes medication for 48 hours after when I then need to have blood work done to verify that I'm not suffering from Lactic acidosis and then when they call with my results, they give me my A1C and say "Your blood sugar is a little high." No shit Einstein. I haven't taken my medication for three days! You thought it would go down? Also, those aren't the results I was waiting for and you're an idiot for not knowing that. It's been almost 2 months and I still haven't gotten those. I started taking my medication again per my Endocrinologist or I would have slipped into a diabetic coma by now.
* When I call and say "I have a mini emergency and this is totally my fault but I thought I had one more bottle of BP meds and I was wrong. I ran out and the last one I took was Saturday at 8 AM. Today is Monday. I need new meds today. Can you please have the Dr call it in? Here is the number for the pharmacy." I made it idiot proof. It's 7:59 PM. No one bothered to call me.
*When I call because I need a refill on my blood pressure medicine, they ask for my name and date of birth and then try to refill a blood pressure pill I'm not even taking because THEY THINK MY NAME IS JACKIE!!!
*After I've told them I was finished nursing AND having children, they left me on Metformin when there is an alternative diabetic medication that helps protect the kidneys. My kidneys aren't great. Why would they not put me on that medication? If it weren't for my Endocrinologist, I would never have known.
*When I call the office and start to answer a question I've been asked, they interrupt me by saying "Name?" That's just fucking rude and that's where I lost it today. Let me finish answering the question you've asked me and if you're so jaded by your job that you're that miserable, FIND A NEW JOB BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT TAKING THAT SHIT OUT ON ME!!!
So, in an attempt to live through another year, I called a friends Dr. today to make an appointment. The woman who answered the phone could not have been nicer. It both confused and impressed me. As my friend pointed out, my expectations are low. I would just like for my doctor not to kill me through her own ineptitude.
We will see where this goes. The only thing I know for sure is that I will never step foot in that death trap of an office ever again. Thank God I'm not one of those patients who pops a pill in my mouth and then asks "What was that?" I've learned to have some control over my healthcare because clearly it can't be trusted in the hands of anyone else. I dug that woman on the phone today a new asshole after she was rude to me but in my defence, look how long the buildup was. To say my level of care was poor is almost laughable because they honestly could have killed me on more than two occasions.
This is the best part, during my last appointment, I complained about the CT scan/Metformin issue and the doctor (who isn't my normal doctor) said, "I know. We need new office staff." Yeah, you need more than new office staff, you need to dig this fucking building out of the ground and start over. Of course this is the same guy who told me I was depressed when I told him I was tired. Maybe he was right. I clearly must have been crazy to ever be a patient in that shit hole of a doctor's office.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Oh Owen, you're 5. How did that happen?
I remember sitting in my hospital bed looking at you in the clear plastic hospital bassinet from across the room and thinking to myself "What the fuck am I going to do with that?"
Looking back, I was clearly petrified of you. I think you were the first newborn I'd ever held and at the end of a painfully worrisome pregnancy, I think I honestly had trouble believing that you were so perfect. When you go through ten months of hearing the words "fetal demise" at every OB appointment, it weighs on you. My first words when I finally saw you were "All that trouble for that tiny thing?"
Five years ago:
I didn't know what it was like to push confidence onto someone.
I didn't know that a boy could be so gentle.
I didn't know a giant big brother could be so sweet to his little sister.
If you'd told me five years ago that I would be able to name every train from Thomas and Chuggington, I would have hit myself in the heard with a brick.
I would have never believed that the kindest most authentic person I have ever met in my life was a five year old boy.
I could have never foreseen the glee I feel when my son asks to hear Johnny Flynn and sings his words. For a child with a learning disability, this is earth shattering.
I didn't know that I could worry so much for one person.
I had no idea that a 5 year old could have that much hair.
I thought I knew what it felt like to stand up for someone.
I would have never believed that one of my children could teach the other assertiveness while the other taught humility.
I would have never believed that I'd have a five year old that was so proud of his own ass.
I thought I had a clue when I saw parents with kids acting like assholes.
I would have never believed that my five year old son would sneak out of his room while daddy was reading books to check on me and ask "Are you OK Momma?" when I was in bed with a headache.
I never knew a five year old could teach his sister such sweetness.
I never knew how much I'd like kids. Not just my own, but their friends. Owen and River have some really, really sweet friends with solid parents. All the "friends" I chose for myself since Owen was born weren't worth the effort but the ones that were, are pretty fucking awesome.
I had no idea that people would make smart comments under their breath about a five year old. It's hair people, get over it!
I never knew what a vicious Momma I could be when the situation called for it.
I didn't know that a three year old could have a crush on his teacher.
I never knew a kid could blow through a size 10 shoe in three months.
I didn't know how fun it was to rediscover yourself both through, and for your children.I never thought a kid of mine would be "THE most sough after friend in Pre-K."
I never thought walking into my 4 year old's Pre-K class and seeing a blind Autistic girl rubbing my son's hair for comfort would bring me to tears.
I never thought a kid could be so happy to see his sister.
I would have told you that boys were made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails. I was wrong. My son is made of a kind heart, a gentle soul and a penchant for loving that is unparalleled.
I never thought my daughter would spend so much time in timeout and that my son would start crying with just the threat of it.
As proud as I am of myself, I had no idea what pride was before you came along.
I never knew at 36, I'd have a child and be able to say to him, "I want to be just like you when I grow up."
I never knew that my son's hair could be my secret "Fuck you!" to the world.
I was always told that children would calm me. I find that I am less patient, more liberal, less conservative and more of an asshole than I've ever been. Good for me!
Some advice for my son to hold onto as he enters his 5th year of life:
Never and I mean never, let anyone tell you that you aren't worthy of what you want.
Pay attention when you're at home because if you think you're getting out of my house without being able to cook, clean and wash clothes, you're deluding yourself.
Your sister thinks she knows everything. Just smile and nod your head.
You show people how you are to be treated. Don't take shit off of people. Life is too short for other people's shit.
Put the toilet seat down. It's just the right thing to do.
Be honest. Even if it's painful. Life is so much easier and people respect honesty.
Pay attention at school and if you're confused, don't be embarrassed to ask for help. That's what teachers are paid for. One shitty teacher can ruin your schooling. (Mrs. Grant, 5th grade) Don't let that happen. If I could change one thing about my schooling, I'd go back and punch her sleeping ass in the throat.
Take responsibility for your actions. Don't give everyone else the credit for the crazy shit you do.
Choose your friends wisely and when you've found you've made a mistake, fix it.
If someone gives your sister shit, defend her. Kick them if you have to. I'll expect the same from her.
Shake things up whenever you get the chance.
Don't ever let anyone tell you not to colour outside the lines.
If you feel the need to tell someone to kiss your ass, do it. It's liberating.
Make stuff up sometimes. It keeps people on their toes.
Work hard. It makes you a better person.
If you ever feel down on yourself, go into the bathroom by yourself, close the door, look into the mirror and say these words. "I'm a good boy. I'm smart, I'm funny and I can do anything I set my mind to!" Yeah, you'll feel stupid and you might even giggle but if you do it enough, you'll eventually believe it.
Love your family. We (I) may embarrass you but we love you very much. Besides, it takes so much energy to act like we're not related. It's easy to give into the insanity.
When you walk into a room, make sure people sit up and take notice. Some may hate you, others will love you. Make sure they never forget you.
Stick to the story. Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.
..is shocking to me. You are the coolest, most fun boy that a mom could ever wish for. You're sweet, you're kind and everyone loves you..and I mean everyone.
We're do proud of how much you love school and reading books. I love that you see a package on the front porch and get excited for your Birthday gifts. I love that you pat me on the back when you think I don't feel well. I love that you look at the Strawberry Shortcake blanket I 'm making for your sister and say "Oh, Momma, this is so nice!" I love that you're such an amazing spirit filled with such kindness.
A few promises from your Momma:
I promise to always be your biggest advocate and your biggest cheerleader.
I promise to love you and kiss you no matter how old you get and how much you ask me to stop.
I promise to get excited about the little moments because I know some families aren't awarded such treasures.
I promise to be on your school's ass to get you the best possible education. You deserve it.
I promise that I will help you learn when you do not understand.
I promise to tell you "I love you" every single day of my life.
I promise to never stop taking photos of your beautiful face.
I promise to never push religion on you. Politics, we'll talk about it....
I promise that I will hold you when you cry.
I promise to always go out of my way to surround you with the very best people.
I promise that you will succeed. You will get through this because we're doing it together. You will have the life that you deserve because I will never give up on you.
I promise to allow you to discover your own passions.
I promise to fight for you even when you don't understand why I'm fighting.
I promise to never give up, in your name.
I promise that when I look at you, I will always see that newborn I was so afraid to bring home from the hospital but I will never use that as an excuse to hold you back.
I promise to make people hate me if that's what it takes to get you what you need.
I promise to always love you unconditionally.
I promise that no matter what challenges life brings, I will always be there for you.
I promise that you may not always get what you want, but you will always get what you need.
Happy Fifth Birthday Baby Boy!! This is your last Birthday with this much hair.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Sigh.... so he's getting one as well.I'm making him one and painting trains on the outside. River's is almost finished but I just started Owen's.
So, I'm knee deep in everything artsy right now. I have tons more to do for the party and as early as I got started, I still feel behind. The Valentines were started prematurely and finished quickly but this party stuff is hanging over my head. I love that it will look like I didn't do much if I pull it all off but it really is time consuming. My brother and brother in law are coming in for the party as well so I've got to clear a hole in the dungeon for them. I also told them I'd bathe. Oh the promises we make to our loved ones....
Happy Valentines Day!!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
If I have to do without live shows for a while, it's nice to see the sweet little baby behind it. I get it. I've got kids. However, I'm still holding out for a new CD in 2013.