I've had a weird week of reconnections.
When I ran from Tennessee, screaming at the top of my lungs as fast as I could go, I could never possibly have believed that there would be a time when I would miss it. I had been waiting to hit the bricks since I was in 7th grade so when the opportunity presented itself for me to go to photo school in NYC, I didn't even question it.
After kicking up my heels for a while and enjoying myself entirely too much, I moved back home.
Then my need to move away resurfaced again. I just didn't want to live there. It wasn't the place for me. I had known that for so long that it was ingrained.
I knew then that I would miss friends. You don't just move away with a clean slate, even if you think that's what you're doing. It comes back and sometimes it even follows you. But you also don't stay in one place when you feel a strong need to go, just because you're leaving friends behind. When you graduate from high school, you leave some people behind and they leave you, for whatever reason. It sucks but that's life. You can't take everyone with you and it's heartbreaking to hear about the people who have died. Some of them incredibly important and others, I only knew in passing but 22, 31 and 40 is too young to die. It's too much to even think about, especially when you don't learn about it until well after the fact. I didn't have to see them everyday to know that the world is a different place without them in it.
So, this is me today, missing friends I haven't spoken to in years, until this week and wondering if I'd had conversations like the ones I've had this week all along, how much easier my life would have been.
"When you're around someone so much, for so long, they become a part of you, and when they go away, you don't know who you were without them."