I am so tired of looking at myself. I mean I know I promised myself that I would do this, but Jesus, I'm over it. Every year about this time I regret making this promise to myself and this year is especially hard. Too much going on right now. Too many other things to concentrate on.
River started school today and seemed to really enjoy it. She helped clean up and listened to the teacher. I'll be honest, I DID NOT see that coming but happy days! I got her paperwork finished and her tote bag ready. She seemed to like carrying it. I think it made her feel like a big girl.
After we left her school we headed to Annapolis where Owen got his first trim. We'd originally planned to cut it off before Kindergarten but he really didn't want it so I just had them cut the tips off. He seems pleased with it. The place we went had Lego Star Wars running on the PlayStation. That's why Owen looked mesmerized in these photos.
After that we had to go to Owen's P/T conference. It was the first one and although I've met this teacher before, there were some things about Owen and his learning that she didn't know so I made sure to fill her in. He starts tomorrow. His backpack, snack and lunch are ready. He seemed a little stressed all day today and said to me as I was putting him to bed "I wish Momma's could come to school too."
I know he will have a good time but it takes him a while to adjust so I feel for him. This is one of those things that I have to step away from and let him handle it. I don't do that well and I just know I will cry like a newborn baby but it has to happen. I will consider it a success if I can get away from the school before I let loose. He would be a mess if he saw me cry.
Then I get to do it all over again on Thursday with River. Sigh.....long week.
This is me today, dreading tomorrow. Owen going to Kindergarten is much tougher for me than River going to Pre-K and all who know us well know why. A child with special needs is different. Not in the way they laugh or play but in the way you love them and in the way you wrap your soul around theirs. They need it. River flies without looking back and I'm proud of her, Owen needs more coaching and loving so feeling like I'm leaving him when he feels like he needs me, even if it is what must be done is heart wrenching. I know I am doing the right thing but that doesn't make it any easier.
Oh how I longed to stay with him
And keep him by the hand
To lead him through the places
That he couldn’t understand.
And something closely kin to fear
Was mingled with my pride.
I knew he would no longer be
A baby by my side.
But he must have his chance to live,
To work his problems out,
The privilege to grow and learn
What life is all about.
And I must share my little boy
With friends and work and play;
He’s not a baby anymore –
He’s in Kindergarten today.