Friday, July 6, 2012

I Haven't Left the House Since Tuesday

Today is Friday. 

On Tuesday my super sweet son had surgery.  It was scheduled so it wasn't a shock but I had no idea how in depth this "routine" surgery would be.  He had his tonsils and adenoids removed as well as a vein cauterized in his nose to help stop the 20+ nosebleeds he's had over the last month.  Apparently there is a vein in his nose that is large and too close to the surface so every time he rubs it too hard, or gets upset, it bleeds.  Hopefully having this done will make 30 minute nosebleeds a thing of the past.

I had my tonsils out when I was five and if memory serves, I spent three nights in the hospital.  Owen's actual surgery probably lasted less then thirty minutes.  I wasn't overly worried about the surgery because everyone made it sound like it wasn't a big deal at all.  I had no idea what a huge deal it was until we got to the surgery center at 7:30 AM on Tuesday.  You are forced to take things seriously when you have a conversation with an anaesthesiologist regarding your five year old.

I told Owen a little bit about the surgery in the days leading up to it.  I told him there would be a mask and that he would go into a "special sleep" and that he would wake up in the "wake up room."  I did not tell him it would be fun, quick or easy.  I told him it might hurt but it wouldn't last forever and that he could eat all the ice cream, popsicles and juice he wanted...until he was better.  Needless to say, I think telling him these things made him crazy nervous.  He doesn't act bad when he's nervous, he acts overly crazy.  He had a hard time getting to sleep the night before because of his craziness.

By the time we got to the surgery center, his nervousness was in high gear.  He was running around in his underpants and hospital gown in sock covered feet just asking to wipe out, and of course he did.  He was very clingy and wanted us to sit next to him and hold him.  He's usually a loving kid but this was more so than usual.  He asked to go to the bathroom and you have to walk into a room where they're prepping other kids for surgery and of course right when I opened the door, they had a 3 year old held down on a bed.  I could have lived without seeing that. It didn't help my nerves that I was trying to ignore.  Another thing that wasn't helping was my husband constantly asking me, "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" 

Anyhoo, only one parent can go back to the actual operating room and we decided well before this day that person would be me.  I just think this is one of those times in life where you need your momma.  We said goodbye to Chris and I walked Owen into the room where everyone was waiting for us.  As soon as we walked in the door, Owen started crying and trying to get away from the table.  How I didn't lose it at this point is beyond me but I held it together and talked him through it.  He refused to get on the table so I had to hoist him up and lay him down.  I held his hand and a nurse held the other.  He was flailing a bit so another person held his legs down.  He was crying so hard that I never saw his eyes but it was upsetting how much he was fighting it.  I fight it as well so the thought that he would also was easy to believe but seeing your kid in that state while someone holds a mask over their face is something you can't really prepare yourself for.  When I got my tonsils out and someone put a mask over my face, I kicked the doctor between the eyes and broke his glasses so as upsetting as it was for me, I think my son handled it better than I did.

At some point the nurse who held his other hand told me that Owen was out of it and wouldn't remember anything he was doing as he kicked and tried to throw his arms around and grad at the mask.  That didn't help me at all and made me kind of lose it just a little.  The anaesthesiologist held him up and said "there you go, one last yawn before you fall asleep, that's totally normal" and then Owen was out.  They told me to give him a kiss, which I did.  When I leaned  and kissed him I could smell the anesthesia from the mask and it immediately made me feel like I would be sick.  I turned into a nurse with a box of tissues and grabbed some as I turned and tried to walk through the open door only to walk into a wall because I was so upset that I couldn't see.  Someone had to open the door to the waiting room, I just couldn't see.

That was my worst morning as a parent.  To watch your kid go through what is one of your biggest fears was almost debilitating and then to follow that by throwing up in the bathroom from the smell of the anesthesia that was still in my nose and what I'm sure was also my nerves made for a really, really shitty morning.

And then we waited....

Under a large fish, we waited.....

About 45 minutes later, the Dr came out and talked to us.  He told us that Owen did really well and that his tonsils had lots of scars on them from all of his illnesses and that they were very large for a five year old boy and that he was certain removing them had been the best decision.  This was nice to hear because even though he'd had croup ten times before he was two and Strep "or something like it" so many times I can't count, it felt kind of elective.  While it needed to be done, it's hard to remember that when you walk into a surgery center with a lively, happy and feeling fine five year old.

When we finally got back in to the recovery room to see Owen, he was in a state.  He was moaning, crying and pretty much inconsolable.  I felt really bad for him because there was nothing I could do.  I gave him the Star Wars dolls I bought for him but he barely noticed.

They told me I could crawl in bed with him, which seemed to please him.  Although I wouldn't want this for anyone's kid, certainly not my own, it's nice when your kid needs you.

We gave him water from a straw and he started taking it once his crying started to slow.  I think he wanted the water but couldn't really ask for it yet.

At some point, he started to come to and even asked for the apple juice box they had sitting on a shelf.  He drank that as as he started to get some colour back, the nurse offered him a popsicle. He was all over that!

He finally cuddled up to the dolls I brought him.

After the popsicle, he seemed to feel a lot better.  It was both confusing and misleading.  I mean clearly he was still hopped up on pain meds and anesthesia.

He got to ride in a wheel chair to the car.  Look how tiny he looks in that thing!

Owen got sick on the way home.  I had to hazard light it on Rt. 2.  Always fun.

He took his pain meds like a big boy for the first two day but on day two he developed a high temp that freaked me out.  I had antibiotics from pre-surgery but every time I got anywhere near him with it, he threw up.  Now they gave me something for nausea but they're suppositories and the only I could think of to make him feel worse than he already did would be to flip him over and shove something up his ass.  I don't even know why they make such a thing when there is a Zofran that dissolve on your tongue.

My husband had gone back to work and my MiL had gone home so it was just me and the kids.  We just weren't capable to going to the store to get the meds to lower his temp and the Dr. told me that if I couldn't get his temp down, I would have to take him into the ER.  So, I did what any loving parent would do, I turned to Facebook and ask if someone could please bring me something.  The people I would usually ask are either out of town or working so I was limited.  Thankfully, our friend Jean offered to pick it up for us and it worked immediately. 

It was clear he felt terrible but he really was a trooper.  He walks around the house holding his mouth and carrying a green plastic trashcan that he used to throw up in.

And he napped like a two year old.  He hasn't napped in at least two years!

We've been sitting around a lot, Owen requires extra lovin' this week and I think could use a visit from some friends.

Still crazy....

I keep thinking he's on the upswing but then his temp goes back up.   I was hoping to get through the first few days so we could just wait for the scabs to fall off and the pain to come back because I hear the pain gets bad again at that point.  Not a nosebleed all week so that's something!  Although as I type this, his temp is 102.5, still too high and he's not eating or drinking enough.  He's also clearly miserable.  I see a trip to the ER in our future and I don't like it.  I called his Dr again and got freaked out by the mention of the word Pneumonia.  I've got some nurse friends I hope can talk me down although it's not really working out that way as of yet.

One thing I have learned from this experience, other than watching your kid be put to sleep is soul crushing is that it's a bigger deal than people lead you to believe.  I actually feel bad that I didn't offer to do more for friends when they went through this with their kids.  It's so downplayed that I looked at it more like a colonscopy than what it really was.  I haven't left the house but for the surgery and to pick up a script since Monday.  My house is cleanish but things like making dinner are on the back burner.  Chris made the kids brinner tonight.  I'm sure that was so he didn't have to eat the frozen meatballs I pulled out but whatever, less to worry about.  I'm also trying to potty train my 3 year old who dropped a deuce on my stairs today and explained it away by saying, "Momma, I dropped yellow on the stairs."  I just wish she explained it a little more clearly so I could have fixed the problem before she dragged it down the hall and into her bed.  Good times.

Sigh.....perhaps we can find a way to leave the house tomorrow.  Fingers crossed although it's not likely.  I just wished he felt better.  What a royally shitty way to spend your summer vacation.

What I did on my summer vacation by Owen:  "I carried a green trash can around my house just waiting to throw up again!  Then after five days, Momma brushed my hair out.  Don't hate!"

1 comment:

  1. are one brave/strong/crazy mom. I don't know what's harder, being the kid or the mom in any case. You handled it well my friend. Hope Owen is better. He so owes you!