Monday, February 27, 2012

My Doctor Tried to Kill Me...Again.

As scary as it may be, I bet this kind of thing happens all the time. I'm dyslexic so I invert numbers more often than I get them right, but I'm not a doctor so when you do shit that can kill me, on a somewhat regular basis, I have a right to be furious.

Tomorrow we will have lived in this house for five years. When I moved to this area after my son was born, I kept the same Dr in my old town for a good six months to a year. I like her enough but as time went by, she had a turnover in her office staff that I wasn't pleased with so I bolted in the middle of that. I figure if you're going to drive 30 minutes one way to your doctor's office, you should love them and love them, I did not. Liking them wasn't enough when I had a new baby who needed his own doctor's appointments.

So, I found a new doctor and because I didn't really know anyone out here, I did it through my insurance company. Mistake #1.

She seemed nice enough. I mean I wasn't looking for perfection because that's a waste of time but I made sure she was aware of the fact that I have a kidney issue, Gestational Diabetes (at the time) and a high blood pressure, a good ole' family history! I have an Endocrinologist but I think a General Care Practitioner should be on top of all my issues so she doesn't prescribe something that would go against the medicines I'm already taking or, I don't know...kill me. I've told her at every single appointment that I have diabetes and high blood pressure so I thought she knew. Mistake #2.

I have to say that I've left doctors for many reasons. I move away, insurance issues, things like that but I've never left a doctor's office because I had concerns that the doctor might be an actual quack, until now. Well, that's not totally true. That isn't the only reason I'm leaving. Her office staff is completely worthless and not only that, they're dangerous. I'm not saying her name on here because A, I don't want to get sued and B, I'm saving it for all the reviews I am going to post when I give her reviews online and the letter I will be sending to her office.

I need more from an office staff than to tell me how cute my kids are. I mean it's nice and all but I'd prefer you call me with test results and not lie about no one answering. Let me give you a brief run down of the bullshit my Drs. office has pulled in the last few months alone..

*Never returning my calls.

*Saying they called with test results but I didn't answer. Hello, this is 2012. I have a cell phone and an answering machine. I know if you've called even if you didn't leave a message.

*Prescribing me a medication that contains sulfa. I'm allergic. It should be easy to remember BECAUSE IT'S IN BIG RED PRINT ON MY FILE!!

*Ordering a CT scan and not telling me that I won't be able to take my Diabetes medication for 48 hours after when I then need to have blood work done to verify that I'm not suffering from Lactic acidosis and then when they call with my results, they give me my A1C and say "Your blood sugar is a little high." No shit Einstein. I haven't taken my medication for three days! You thought it would go down? Also, those aren't the results I was waiting for and you're an idiot for not knowing that. It's been almost 2 months and I still haven't gotten those. I started taking my medication again per my Endocrinologist or I would have slipped into a diabetic coma by now.

* When I call and say "I have a mini emergency and this is totally my fault but I thought I had one more bottle of BP meds and I was wrong. I ran out and the last one I took was Saturday at 8 AM. Today is Monday. I need new meds today. Can you please have the Dr call it in? Here is the number for the pharmacy." I made it idiot proof. It's 7:59 PM. No one bothered to call me.

*When I call because I need a refill on my blood pressure medicine, they ask for my name and date of birth and then try to refill a blood pressure pill I'm not even taking because THEY THINK MY NAME IS JACKIE!!!

*After I've told them I was finished nursing AND having children, they left me on Metformin when there is an alternative diabetic medication that helps protect the kidneys. My kidneys aren't great. Why would they not put me on that medication? If it weren't for my Endocrinologist, I would never have known.

*When I call the office and start to answer a question I've been asked, they interrupt me by saying "Name?" That's just fucking rude and that's where I lost it today. Let me finish answering the question you've asked me and if you're so jaded by your job that you're that miserable, FIND A NEW JOB BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT TAKING THAT SHIT OUT ON ME!!!

So, in an attempt to live through another year, I called a friends Dr. today to make an appointment. The woman who answered the phone could not have been nicer. It both confused and impressed me. As my friend pointed out, my expectations are low. I would just like for my doctor not to kill me through her own ineptitude.

We will see where this goes. The only thing I know for sure is that I will never step foot in that death trap of an office ever again. Thank God I'm not one of those patients who pops a pill in my mouth and then asks "What was that?" I've learned to have some control over my healthcare because clearly it can't be trusted in the hands of anyone else. I dug that woman on the phone today a new asshole after she was rude to me but in my defence, look how long the buildup was. To say my level of care was poor is almost laughable because they honestly could have killed me on more than two occasions.

This is the best part, during my last appointment, I complained about the CT scan/Metformin issue and the doctor (who isn't my normal doctor) said, "I know. We need new office staff." Yeah, you need more than new office staff, you need to dig this fucking building out of the ground and start over. Of course this is the same guy who told me I was depressed when I told him I was tired. Maybe he was right. I clearly must have been crazy to ever be a patient in that shit hole of a doctor's office.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Though You Grow Old Before Me, You're Still My Baby Boy

Oh Owen, you're 5. How did that happen?

I remember sitting in my hospital bed looking at you in the clear plastic hospital bassinet from across the room and thinking to myself "What the fuck am I going to do with that?"

Looking back, I was clearly petrified of you. I think you were the first newborn I'd ever held and at the end of a painfully worrisome pregnancy, I think I honestly had trouble believing that you were so perfect. When you go through ten months of hearing the words "fetal demise" at every OB appointment, it weighs on you. My first words when I finally saw you were "All that trouble for that tiny thing?"

Five years ago:

I didn't know what it was like to push confidence onto someone.

I didn't know that a boy could be so gentle.

I didn't know a giant big brother could be so sweet to his little sister.

If you'd told me five years ago that I would be able to name every train from Thomas and Chuggington, I would have hit myself in the heard with a brick.

I would have never believed that the kindest most authentic person I have ever met in my life was a five year old boy.

I could have never foreseen the glee I feel when my son asks to hear Johnny Flynn and sings his words. For a child with a learning disability, this is earth shattering.

I didn't know that I could worry so much for one person.

I had no idea that a 5 year old could have that much hair.

I thought I knew what it felt like to stand up for someone.

I would have never believed that one of my children could teach the other assertiveness while the other taught humility.

I would have never believed that I'd have a five year old that was so proud of his own ass.

I thought I had a clue when I saw parents with kids acting like assholes.

I would have never believed that my five year old son would sneak out of his room while daddy was reading books to check on me and ask "Are you OK Momma?" when I was in bed with a headache.

I never knew a five year old could teach his sister such sweetness.

I never knew how much I'd like kids. Not just my own, but their friends. Owen and River have some really, really sweet friends with solid parents. All the "friends" I chose for myself since Owen was born weren't worth the effort but the ones that were, are pretty fucking awesome.

I had no idea that people would make smart comments under their breath about a five year old. It's hair people, get over it!

I never knew what a vicious Momma I could be when the situation called for it.

I didn't know that a three year old could have a crush on his teacher.

I never knew a kid could blow through a size 10 shoe in three months.

I didn't know how fun it was to rediscover yourself both through, and for your children.

I never thought a kid of mine would be "THE most sough after friend in Pre-K."

I never thought walking into my 4 year old's Pre-K class and seeing a blind Autistic girl rubbing my son's hair for comfort would bring me to tears.

I never thought a kid could be so happy to see his sister.

I would have told you that boys were made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails. I was wrong. My son is made of a kind heart, a gentle soul and a penchant for loving that is unparalleled.

I never thought my daughter would spend so much time in timeout and that my son would start crying with just the threat of it.

As proud as I am of myself, I had no idea what pride was before you came along.

I never knew at 36, I'd have a child and be able to say to him, "I want to be just like you when I grow up."
I never knew that my son's hair could be my secret "Fuck you!" to the world.

I was always told that children would calm me. I find that I am less patient, more liberal, less conservative and more of an asshole than I've ever been. Good for me!

Some advice for my son to hold onto as he enters his 5th year of life:

Never and I mean never, let anyone tell you that you aren't worthy of what you want.

Pay attention when you're at home because if you think you're getting out of my house without being able to cook, clean and wash clothes, you're deluding yourself.

Your sister thinks she knows everything. Just smile and nod your head.

You show people how you are to be treated. Don't take shit off of people. Life is too short for other people's shit.

Put the toilet seat down. It's just the right thing to do.

Be honest. Even if it's painful. Life is so much easier and people respect honesty.

Pay attention at school and if you're confused, don't be embarrassed to ask for help. That's what teachers are paid for. One shitty teacher can ruin your schooling. (Mrs. Grant, 5th grade) Don't let that happen. If I could change one thing about my schooling, I'd go back and punch her sleeping ass in the throat.

Take responsibility for your actions. Don't give everyone else the credit for the crazy shit you do.

Choose your friends wisely and when you've found you've made a mistake, fix it.

If someone gives your sister shit, defend her. Kick them if you have to. I'll expect the same from her.

Shake things up whenever you get the chance.

Don't ever let anyone tell you not to colour outside the lines.

Be proud.

If you feel the need to tell someone to kiss your ass, do it. It's liberating.

Make stuff up sometimes. It keeps people on their toes.

Work hard. It makes you a better person.

If you ever feel down on yourself, go into the bathroom by yourself, close the door, look into the mirror and say these words. "I'm a good boy. I'm smart, I'm funny and I can do anything I set my mind to!" Yeah, you'll feel stupid and you might even giggle but if you do it enough, you'll eventually believe it.

Love your family. We (I) may embarrass you but we love you very much. Besides, it takes so much energy to act like we're not related. It's easy to give into the insanity.

When you walk into a room, make sure people sit up and take notice. Some may hate you, others will love you. Make sure they never forget you.

Stick to the story. Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

How this...

Became this... shocking to me. You are the coolest, most fun boy that a mom could ever wish for. You're sweet, you're kind and everyone loves you..and I mean everyone.

We're do proud of how much you love school and reading books. I love that you see a package on the front porch and get excited for your Birthday gifts. I love that you pat me on the back when you think I don't feel well. I love that you look at the Strawberry Shortcake blanket I 'm making for your sister and say "Oh, Momma, this is so nice!" I love that you're such an amazing spirit filled with such kindness.

A few promises from your Momma:

I promise to always be your biggest advocate and your biggest cheerleader.

I promise to love you and kiss you no matter how old you get and how much you ask me to stop.

I promise to get excited about the little moments because I know some families aren't awarded such treasures.

I promise to be on your school's ass to get you the best possible education. You deserve it.

I promise that I will help you learn when you do not understand.

I promise to tell you "I love you" every single day of my life.

I promise to never stop taking photos of your beautiful face.

I promise to never push religion on you. Politics, we'll talk about it....

I promise that I will hold you when you cry.

I promise to always go out of my way to surround you with the very best people.

I promise that you will succeed. You will get through this because we're doing it together. You will have the life that you deserve because I will never give up on you.

I promise to allow you to discover your own passions.

I promise to fight for you even when you don't understand why I'm fighting.

I promise to never give up, in your name.

I promise that when I look at you, I will always see that newborn I was so afraid to bring home from the hospital but I will never use that as an excuse to hold you back.

I promise to make people hate me if that's what it takes to get you what you need.

I promise to always love you unconditionally.

I promise that no matter what challenges life brings, I will always be there for you.

I promise that you may not always get what you want, but you will always get what you need.

Happy Fifth Birthday Baby Boy!! This is your last Birthday with this much hair.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Premature Valentines

If I've learned anything from having children it's that if I save things for the last minute, I'll end up in the ER for something stupid and we'll miss everything we were planning for so it's best to get crackin' early if I know I've got stuff to make. I've also learned that I can get through just about anything with a girly drink and some Johnny Flynn.

What I should have titled this post is "I Made that Cricut My Bitch!" because I have been using that thing like a work horse as of late. I've had baby showers, Valentines day and a double Birthday party for the kids that I've been working on lately and my son has been right there helping me!

Well, he didn't help me with the shower (excuse me, sprinkle) things that I made for my girlfriend's sprinkle (3rd kid) but that was easy enough. We put a scrapbook together for her and it turned out pretty cool. Everyone made a page and I took photos of her with all her friends and then a couple of group shots.

It was pretty cool. Best part, I got it all done in time and it worked perfectly. How often does that happen?

Next on the agenda, Valentines. I knew before I asked my son that he would want trains on his valentines. He said the same thing last year and his obsession hasn't changed so I knew what I was in for ahead of time. It would be one thing if I could just run out and buy Thomas or Chuggington trains but I've never been able to find them short of a $36 12 pack of vintage Thomas Valentines and since I would rather smear warm shit across my face than pay that, I made my own. This year, Owen helped and had a great time doing it. He wrote his name on the back as well and he was very proud of himself. This is how his turned out:

I breathed a sigh of relief when I was done with Owen's Valentines two weeks before Valentines Day. Of course that didn't last long because as I was putting down the glue pen, River looked up at me with her angel eyes and in the meekest voice to ever come from my daughter said , "Momma, will you make me some Strawberry Shortcake Valentines?"

Sigh....of course I will. It was easy to agree to because I'd just bought a new Cricut cartridge that had a strawberry. That's easy, right? Then I made the mistake of asking her what she wanted on her Valentines. It really wasn't an open ended question. I thought for sure she'd say "A strawberry!" She of course said "My dolls." Figures.

So, I got her dolls, I made sure they were dressed appropriately and I brushed their hair. I lined them up on the deck, took about 300 photos and I choose six of the best ones for my husband to pick the winner. I bought some cheap pink glitter glue (cheapest crap ever but it worked. CTMH Glitz is 100 times better), used that Cricut cartridge I bought so I could work a strawberry into it and covered the strawberry with the glue. This is how River's turned out:

Of course I was so embarrassed to realize that River didn't have Orange Blossom before I took the photos. She's since gotten one, which wasn't easy because she was almost impossible to find but the truth is, with this Chaka Khan hair, I'm not sure if she would have fit in the photo anyway. Seriously, check out the size of her do. Like these chicks aren't top heavy enough.

Next up, a birthday party for the kids. I'm making a BIG "Happy Birthday" sign for the party. I mean this thing is ungodly large but whateves. It looks cool and it's just what they wanted. We're having a "Sweet treat" party so there's lots of signs to make and chocolate to buy for the chocolate fountain. I'm making signs like "Plum Pudding's Pretzel Rods" and Old Puffer Pete's Popcorn!" That kinda thing so I need lots of images but so far so good.

Of course Birthday parties also mean Birthday presents so I've been working on those. I'm making River a blanket, like the one I made for Owen when he was younger but his is Thomas and hers is Strawberry Shortcake, of course.

The things Owen is getting this year aren't made because I've made him all this stuff already. Well, I'm making him some things but when River asked me to make sleeping bags for her Strawberry Shortcake dolls, I had a fear he'd ask me to make them for his trains as well. I'm so glad he didn't because logistically, that would have been a total nightmare.

They are both betting chests. River is getting a new dress up chest because she ate the cardboard one she was given for breakfast. I knew when I first saw that, that it wouldn't last long and it didn't. So, I bought an unfinished wooden one and I'm painting it. In the process of painting it Owen said to me, "Momma, when you make mine, I want trains on it."

Sigh.... so he's getting one as well.I'm making him one and painting trains on the outside. River's is almost finished but I just started Owen's.

So, I'm knee deep in everything artsy right now. I have tons more to do for the party and as early as I got started, I still feel behind. The Valentines were started prematurely and finished quickly but this party stuff is hanging over my head. I love that it will look like I didn't do much if I pull it all off but it really is time consuming. My brother and brother in law are coming in for the party as well so I've got to clear a hole in the dungeon for them. I also told them I'd bathe. Oh the promises we make to our loved ones....

As busy as I am, I was also able to visit a friend and her kids today. If this new baby doesn't make your ovaries click together, nothing will.

Total side note, My son's real proud of his new Hearthbreaker underpants I got him for Valentines Day. I promised him I'd share.

So, now I'm off to make heart shaped cookies with the kids. I swear I'm turning into my friend Purdy who behind her back we've deemed "The Fucking Mother of the Year" because she's a great mom and always keeps her kids busy. I've had a great few months with the kids. I think we've hit our stride, even with River's evil side kicking in.

No fun Valentines Day dinner though although I did pick up a 20 piece nugget for my husband. No, I'm not joking but in my defense, I was out all day. He's bringing Boston Market home. Don't hate. I was a restaurant manager for years and the only thing worse than Valentines Day in a restaurant is Mother's Day in a restaurant. Both made me want to mellonball my eyes out. I would rather punch myself in the face than deal with either right now. A quiet dinner at home with my son in his new undies sounds just about right. I did buy this for myself today. I've been wanting it for a while and it became clear it wasn't going on sale. I even had a friend check the outlet first so I did the legwork. Ain't it pretty?

Happy Valentines Day!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

God I Love Johnny Flynn!

Clearly this is no surprise to anyone who knows me but the girl who runs his Twitter page sent this to me today and it made me giddy. It's safe to share now because it's live on his JohnnyFlynnNews Twitter page, I would have waited otherwise. We may be a small group, but we're very loyal. Also, if you don't follow him on Twitter, click the link and make it happen.

If I have to do without live shows for a while, it's nice to see the sweet little baby behind it. I get it. I've got kids. However, I'm still holding out for a new CD in 2013.

Such a sweet thing to do for fans.

Sigh....Johnny Flynn.....

*If you're having trouble viewing the video, you can watch it HERE*

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Planned Parenthood is Important!

The Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation, shame on you! To care about women, is to care about the health of all women, and men, and teens. Way to make a decision that will be a death sentence to many. Way to strip many of basic human rights, like reproductive health care. Breast cancer doesn't discriminate but clearly you do. I'll remember that the next time I donate to Planned Parenthood instead of you.

Planned Parenthood is important to women in this country and if you'd pull your head out of your as long enough, you'd see that. I will never vote for a politician that doesn't support it and I will never give my money to an organization that bends over to political pressure to distance itself from it.

Now I will sit back and watch the backlash against the Susan G. Koman foundation and all the support you will lose because of this reckless decision. Yes, you do a lot for women, but Planned Parenthood does more. Clearly we see here which organization has balls. You lose.