Wednesday, November 23, 2011

"I Could Refer You To A Clinical Psychologist"

Mother of all things holy!

My husband took the day off, which was nice. My kids have been a special kind of crazy this week and I have no idea why, so it was nice to have him here knowing I had a doctor's appointment later today. A doctor's appointment alone? I was sure it would be like a mini vacation!

Chris made breakfast this morning and after I finished washing the dishes, we went to the market to shop for our Thanksgiving dinner. The In laws are coming up tomorrow so it isn't just us. We're keeping it relatively small but the smallest turkey we could find was over seventeen pounds. We did pretty good polishing off the leftovers last year. I just hope my husband understands that next week he'll have turkey in his peanut butter sandwiches, underneath his corn and at the bottom of his cup of coffee. It will be everywhere. I like turkey but I would have preferred a Cornish game hen. Meh..whatever.

We got to the market early as to hopefully find a turkey that wasn't frozen solid. We did. In fact, most of them were thawed. I'm not sure what you do with a frozen turkey on Thanksgiving Eve. So we got our things in spite of the place being full of crazy people who just stood there and get the hell out. I was really careful when I picked out the turkey because last year Giant tried to wipe out my entire family by selling us a rotten turkey. When I went (on Christmas Day ) to return it, they had nothing so I was forced to go to Safeway and purchase what was probably the most disgusting piece of meat that we ended up just throwing away. I'd like for that not to happen again. We'll see. If you don't hear from us for a week, send the police to our house.

On the way home from the market I stopped by the fabric store and signed up for knitting classes. You'd think knitting classes would be easy to come by but they were kinda hard to find. Michaels, nope. JoAnne's, nope. The only reason I found this class was becauce I found an atricle about the girl teaching this class as I was searching for knitting in my area. And these aren't just any knitting classes, this is Irish knitting! Please don't ask me what that means because I have no idea. It may just involve pounding Guinness while you knit. I don't care. It sounds romantic. It's a three week class that I start in December. Hopefully I'll learn something. I'm excited at the prospect!

Later in the day after I'd done some prep work for Thanksgiving and my daughter was napping, I grabbed my Kindle and went to my mini vacation, I mean doctor's appointment. I was going for two reasons. One, while I was at my mother's house last week, I thought I felt a lump on my side. Not a big gigantic mass, but something hard that I didn't feel on the other side. Since I'm of the chunky persuasion I almost didn't go thinking it was probably nothing and I felt kinda stupid going to see my doctor when I tried to find it this morning and couldn't. Two, and this is unrelated, I have a clear learning disability and I think it's time I made an attempt to find out more about it and what can be done. If nothing else it could help me understand my son's disability and how to better help him. It would also be nice to read a book like a normal person without having the Kindle read it to me as I read. Retaining some of what I read would be nice as well.

So as I laid down on the table and was explaining to my doctor that I felt stupid because I couldn't find the main reason why I'd come to see her, I found it. It took me a minute and it was higher than I remembered but it was there. It isn't tender, which she said was a good thing but it's there and I'd like to know what it is. I asked her if it felt like something that shouldn't be there and she said "It definitely shouldn't be there." OK, now what.

I have an ultrasound Tuesday at 8 AM. I knew it had been too long since I had a near catastrophe. She mentioned that it was near my incision from gallbladder surgery and that it could just be scar tissue, but the ultrasound should tell me. On to the next issue....

I explained my learning disability issues to her in hopes she could steer me in the right direction. I understand it isn't a medical issue but as a medical professional I thought she could refer me to someone who could help. She listened to me explain my iseues and then sat down and said, "I could refer you to a clinical psychologist." My mind screamed "You must be fucking kidding me!!!"" My mouth said "Is that where I have to go, really?"

My first thought was to scrap the whole thing.

Then I thought of my son and if understanding myself better would help me understand him, I at least have to try. I had immediate visions of explaining to a psycho doctor that while I lived in an orphanage for a while as a kid, don't have the best relationship with my father, have a sister who I never talk to and is in and out of jail more often than I fart and have a family that is, well, distant, that I'm not crazy, depressed or even confused. Hey, I'm not saying I don't have issues, I do. I just don't let where I've been dictate my life. I found out years ago that being a victim didn't benefit me so I stopped. But that isn't my only issue with psycho doctors. This may shock you but I tend to be a little arrogant and don't like being told what to do, even if it's just hinted at. I'm just not opened to it. To say I'm an insufferable patient is an understatement. I once had a psycho doctor tell me that "perhaps you could attempt to be a more forgiving person." Really? They sent you to school to learn that shit? I told him, yeah him, "You know nothing about me if you'd even suggest that." I never went back. I'm not paying someone to blow wind up my ass an hour every week.

So while I will go out of my way to locate a reliable psycho doctor on Monday morning, I won't be happy about it. I know one thing, I want a woman. I've had both male and female psycho doctors and I like women better. There are certain professions that I just prefer a certain sex. I never questioned that my children's pediatrician had to be a woman. I would never have chosen a man. I want my dentist to be a man. I want my neurologist to be a man. I want my surgeon to be a man. I want my general practitioner and yuck doctors to be women. My Urologist is a man and I love him. I love my female Endocrinologist as well but I could take that either way. A man wouldn't bother me. I know there are good doctors in all these professions both male and female but I choose what I'm comfortable with and usually it's a woman. I certainly wanted a mother for our pediatrician. I thought that was paramount. How can you get practical advice from a non parent man? If it makes you feel any better, I like the person who cuts my hair to be either gay or crazy. Right now, she's crazy.

So in the end I got a referral for an ultrasound which I need to fast for so I scheduled it for Tuesday. I'm trying to get someone to watch the kids so Chris doesn't have to take the day off. I hope the results come in quick because while I'm sure it's nothing, it will worry me until I hear someone say that. I also have to call an attorney for a totally different issue involving my son. I was hoping for a uneventful week but I should have known that was a pipe dream.

So, on Monday I get to call a doctor and a lawyer. Add an Indian Chief to that and we've got ourselves a fucking nursery rhyme! Yay me!

1 comment:

  1. I'm sure it's nothing but good luck with your ultrasound! Hope you get good news fast.