Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My Daughter is a Princess

Admission is the first step towards acceptance.

I don't even know how it happened. I mean I can think of a lot of words to describe myself but princess isn't even in the top 100. I can imagine my friends would find the thought of that comical. I'm just not very girly, or "fluffy" as I like to call them and I guess I expected my daughter to not be "fluffy" as well. Turns out, she's a little fluffy.

It's not like this is a shock. I saw it coming. She doesn't like to be dirty. If she spills milk, she screams until I clean it up. If she falls, she looks at her hands and grunts at the dirt and if corrected she immediately yells "Momma, can I have a tissue?" She does this because she wants to dab the tears from her eyes in case she cries. WTF? Nothing but drama. Then I signed her up for ballet.

The day I paid the tuition for her ballet class, I took her to Target to try on leotards and tutus. It was a mistake in that I ended up putting it all back and buying new ones at a local consignment shop because they were crazy expensive! A black leotard was $17 at Target! I just couldn't justify that for a two year old. However, at Target when I tried them on her, she immediately stepped on the stool and looked at herself in the mirror and yelled "Look momma, I'm a princess!" I just sighed while tracing my memory bank for any time we watched or discussed Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle or Ariel. I found nothing. If she said she wanted to be Bella Swan, that would have made sense to me but this princess bullshit threw me for a loop.

I think she liked ballet. Of course "ballet" to her is running around in a room full of mirrors. That's right up her ally. She basically spends the hour looking at herself in the mirror, making faces at herself and asking if she can "twirl."

I know she looks constipated in this first photo but she's practicing her whine.

The ballet bar was blocking her view.

Oh, that's me back there too!

Woot Woot!

There aren't enough mirrors for two Rivers.

Work it! Own it!

I asked her what she wanted to be for Halloween. My fingers were crossed that she'd want to be a witch. I could seriously work something like that. I had the black tutu dress all planned out in my mind but instead she announced proudly, "I want to be a princess!" Ugghhh...where do I begin?

Shoes. I started with the shoes. I knew immediately that there would be no glass slippers involved. We don't do glass slippers up in here! I absolutely refuse to let my daughter believe if only for a second that some secretly gay prince is going to sweep her off her feet while she does nothing for herself and waits on his ass to save her. I just don't know how to do that. So, the first thing I did (at the suggestion of a Facebook friend) was to buy her an old pair of $3 Chucks. I'd worried about the shoes first and wanted to find a more 2011 way of representing them. I think I succeeded. They're sparkly and will better equip that unassuming 2011 princess on the go! Stylish and silver! Just last night my girlfriend told me that silver goes with everything. I just smiled and nodded because I don't see it, but it works here. River loves them!

Then I was forced to move onto the dress. I looked around for a bit and ended up with two different dresses. One pink and one blue. She seems to like them both but her grandmother bought her a blue princess crown so today she wore the blue dress to the library for a Halloween Storytime.

She had fun and did some trick or treating at the library. She got some gum, a sucker and an Almond Joy. Sucker it is! I had to come home and sneak some of our Halloween candy into her pumpkin. I'm not giving my two year old gum she'll swallow or an Almond Joy she'll choke on! Also, she insisted on bringing that FAO Schwarz dog with her! I don't even have fights over stuff like that anymore. It isn't worth it. Just bring the damn thing! Yesterday she wore a chef's hat and matching apron to Giant. Whatever dude. Go on with your bad self.

Of course during Storytime River did anything but listen. I loved when a lady walked in with a bald baby and she yelled "Baby Nathan, Baby Nathan, Baby Nathan" over and over again. The guy had to stop reading. Then she sees a kid with a Thomas hat on and sings at the top of her lungs "Thomas and his friends!" Lets see, she almost clocked a dinosaur in the noggin with her pumpkin and she accosted Strawberry Shortcake...with love.

Their eyes met from across the room......

She rushed across the room to get to her and look at the awe in her eyes. I think she really thought it was Strawberry Shortcake! I had no intention of bursting that bubble.

Then she tried to give up her dog, that she refused to leave the house without. WTF?

I think she scared Strawberry a little when on the way out she made a b-line towards her and yelled "Bye Strawberry Shortcake!"

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