Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Gettin' Granny

Never am I happier than when I get to take my truth and shove it up someones ass. It adds a smile to my face and a spring in my step when I get to scream "I TOLD YOU SO!" to the tune of $650.

My beautiful children and I were leaving the Starbucks parking lot (minding our own business) when the novice driver in front of me (without looking) backed up into me. Now, you wouldn't think much would come from that because how hard could she possibly hit me when only backing up? The answer is the cost of a cracked bumper.

Here's why I giggle. The novice was a sweet 16 year old girl who had yet to be tainted by her grizzly granny and perhaps her parents in the art of "say nothing and accept no responsibility" because after backing up into me she immediately jumped from her car, well technically that isn't true. I had time to scream "MOTHER FUCKER!" right in front of my babies before she got to the car but being the sweet girl she was she jumped from her car where my window was still rolled down because I'd just accepted my Frappachino of love from the drive through window and she said "Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Are you OK?" She really was like an angel as I look back but in that moment I was concerned for my kids and furious that this had happened again not two damn years from the last time a novice was set free. Hell, at least this one had a permit. Lucky for that fucker who backed into me while I was 4 months pregnant with River ON MY BIRTHDAY that I didn't blog back then because I would have torn him a new asshole along with his parents that sent him out without a driver's license to take his brother to school. He was apologetic as well until he got home and his dirty asshole parents tried to lie. In the end, they were fucking with the wrong bitch and I made sure they paid for every cent including our deductible.

That accident is why I waited for the police to come. I don't understand that switching numbers bullshit. Yeah, if you're at fault you have nothing to loose by switching numbers and bolting which is what the Grandmother who sat in the passenger seat told me we should do. She kept mentioning it over and over and as her Granddaughter had started crying the minute I asked her "Did you not think to look back?" My voice may have been a little elevated but you just slammed your car into mine which is carrying my angels so I'm entitled. Also, it's a fair question.

I told them to pull across the street out of the death trap that is the Starbucks parking lot. Someone had to take charge. The first thing that Grandmother did was get out of her car (finally) and walk to the front of my van announcing "There's no damage to your car!" Great, apparently she was a fucking mechanic back in 1898!

I'm well versed in this game and Granny wasn't winning this one. I had called the police before I'd even gotten out of my car. In the most gentle way possible I told the driver this. As far as I was concerned, Granny was an extra and I was treating her as such. I hadn't got the words out of my mouth when Granny said, "Do we really need the police?" I ignored her as her Granddaughter busted out in hysterics and I (not her Grandmother) tried to comfort her. I assured her that I wasn't mad, that my kids were OK (which was clearly my main concern) and that if she had to ram someone, I was the one she wanted to do it to. Not cool for me but for her, I wasn't going to sue her. I didn't grab my neck and claim injury. I was going to get an estimate for my car and be done with it. While Mrs. Auto Mechanic 1892 was assured there was no damage, I knew better. The last guy that hit me in the same way caused unseen damage under my licence plate to the tune of $500+ so I knew there was damage because she hit us much harder. Lucky the kids were in car seats and I had time to brace myself and honk, not that honking did me any good.

Granny had made mention over and over again about there being no damage to my car and other passive aggressive remarks about just switching info. Now had she been the driver and her sweet 16 year old granddaughter not been there I would have attempted to be less accommodating of her. Because she's crusty I would have given her more time than say a 30 year old but at some point I would have told her to shut her fucking mouth and go fuck herself. What was going through her mind when she was purposely annoying the person they just hit? I didn't hit you! Shut that hole in your face before I sweep your fucking legs! At some point I'd had enough of her mouth and told her that they hit me so it's my call. When someone slammed into them, they could do what they want but on this day, it was my decision. It didn't come out that nice but it wasn't as bad as it could have been or as bad as I would have preferred. I'm a firm believer that when you act like an asshole, you deserve to be treated like one. The sweet 16 year old saved that crusty bitch from the better side of me.

Some inmate had escaped in Annapolis earlier in the day so it took the police officer forever to get there. When he rolled in, I thought the driver was going to vomit. The cop couldn't have been nicer and I warned him after I explained what happened that she was very fragile. She practically screamed "Am I going to lose my licence?" I felt so bad for her.

Anyhoo, I took photos, he took our info and gave me the report number. Even thought my licence plate was bent, I knew there was damage behind it and I was right. My main priority was making sure the car was safe for travel with my babies. I'm not going to believe a passenger in a car that hit me that there is no damage. Hell, they all say that! Turns out she cracked my bumper so there was over $650 worth of damage. I'd like to take that estimate, turn it sideways and shove it up Granny's asshole.

As soon as I got home in the nightmare of a rental car and got the call about the estimate, I got on the phone with our insurance company to set the repayment of the deductible in motion. I as a rule, don't like to sit back and assume everyone is going their job. When I have done that it has bitten me in the ass so I don't allow that anymore. I'm a stay on top of shit kinda gal and it's served me well.

The rental car they gave me was an Impala. I'm not a fan. First off, their latch system SUCKS! I've loaded and unloaded my car seats in and out of several cars and have never had such issues. NOT USER FRIENDLY! Also, the side mirrors are so small that it's comical. I guess it's OK if you're visiting from Munchkin Land but a normal size non Singer Midget would have troubles. Not to mention I had to leave my stroller in the back of the van because I couldn't fit it into the shitty trunk.

There was also this much gas in the tank when they gave it to me. Have you ever heard of such? A quarter tank of gas in a rental car? T-A-C-K-Y!

I was able to find the humor when they marked up the imperfections on my van like a fat girl at a pledge party.

So, this is what $650 worth of damage looks like:

These are my little angels getting release in the back seat, where they sat for over an hour waiting for the police to come. That's Crusty McCrustington in the back. The kids are fighting over my frappachino. I would normally never give that to my kids because of the caffeine and the fact that IT IS MINE! One of the many things to give up for my children. This one hurt.

Good times. I should have my car back on Friday. My fucking stroller better still be there!

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