Saturday, August 6, 2011

It's All About Me ~ In Pictures Part Deux

We spent the better part of the day gutting our house of unnecessary shit. When I say "gutting" what I really mean is "pulling it out of it's hiding place and creating a dangerous mound of shit we don't need or want in the middle of our basement floor." What we'll do with all of it remains uncertain. I think it would be good to have a yard sale on a Saturday and then FreeCycle the rest, but it won't be next weekend because somebody's got a birthday! I just need it gone. It is a mountain of stress that I don't need.

In truth, we didn't leave the house today, but that was the plan. We knew we were cleaning this weekend so we dug in. If you come in our house right now, it looks like a bomb of shit hit it. You would think we accomplished nothing, but that just isn't so. I mean how often do you come across your college ID and hear your husband tell you that you looked like cheap prostitute? I disagreed completely. I mean it was waaaayyy before I discovered tweezers and I had those big ass "round the way girl" earring on but I wouldn't go so far as to say I looked cheap. As if that wasn't enough we came across a personality test I was given when I was hired for a job back in the 90s. Reading this now is even funnier because the toolbox that gave it to me, lost his company in the shitty housing market. He's just a regular broker now and occasionally I see his photo when I need to cover something while I'm spray painting it. Total tool. Anyhoo, the personality test mentions things like "moderately compassionate," "ruthless," "very impatient," "in your face." However, these were my personal favorites:

"Michelle is extremely self confident, and unless humility has been learned, she may appear cocky and arrogant to others, especially if they have a much lower level of self confidence themselves." (That's my fault? Grow a fucking pair!)

"Michelle is very intolerant of people she believes are not trying hard enough to do or understand something." (Umm...yeah. Why not? If we all did that, there would be less lazy, stupid people. Am I missing something?) continues, "Michelle will expect everyone around her to take responsibility for their own actions, and if they don't, they will be reminded frequently in not to subtle ways." (GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND DO SOMETHING YOU WORTHLESS FUCK! Subtle enough?)

"Michelle will not take much abuse from others and may have a temper." (Well wouldn't you if ppl were trying to abuse you?)

"Michelle is not what one would consider an Introvert." (That one just made me giggle)

"Michelle has a tendency to be inflexible at times." (Again, I giggle)

Seriously, I'd question how I got the job if most Realtors weren't assholes.

Ahhhh, I'm so glad this paper survived in the pit of my house for five years and through at least three moves. That's more than I can say for the company that gave it to me....(again, I giggle.)

This is me today, not getting dressed or leaving the house and surrounded by a room full of crap I can't wait to get rid of....except for this groovy personality test. If I could, I'd make earrings out of it.

Seriously, it's like reading fucking Twilight! I just CAN NOT put it down! It's a page turner!

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