Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Might Be a Pretentious Bitch

I'm not really even sure when it happened. I mean I went a little crazy when I turned 40 but it was probably before that. I've always had a pretty high self image. I mean why not? I'm supposed to shit on myself because I'm a chunky chick? Just because that is what is expected, doesn't mean I have to do it.

I was sitting in Starbucks the other day with my babies. As a diabetic, I've cut out most of the fun stuff I used to be capable of enjoying but from time to time, I still have a chai tea frappachino. It's a vice. A really good vice. A really good vice covered in whipped creamy goodness and cinnamon dolche. I get a lemon pound cake and vanilla bean scones for the kids and we sit at a table and the kids drink their organic low fat vanilla milk while I drink as much of my drink as I can before River starts in with the "Momma, can I have some cream?" I always give her some but I drink as much as I can before she gets handsy.

So, we're sitting in Starbucks, eating our sweets, while I drink my frappachino and watch my kids drink their organic milk. I look down at my Uggs and with a small laugh look over to my Kate Spade purse and pick up my too expensive back up camera to take a photo of my beautiful children and I had to ask myself, who the fuck am I?

How did this happen? Five years ago $16.99 was the most I'd ever paid for a pair of shoes and I thought Starbucks was for assholes, just like Hummers. While I bought my purse second hand and my boots were a gift, still something has changed in me and I'm not really sure how it happened without my noticing it. It was first brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago when my husband said this to me, "You have a crazy expensive backup camera. What's happened to you?"

I know the value of a dollar and what it feels like to not know where your next meal is coming from so a $130 pair of boots is just asinine. I know this. Don't get me wrong, I love my boots but $130? For what? I put my fucking feet in them! Granted, when I put my feet into them it's like they're wrapped in a big Australian cloud, but not a necessity by any means. Don't even get me started on the organic vanilla milk! Why can't Starbucks carry normal milk? Wouldn't you rather drink good old 2% than that vanilla crap?

All this may have happened when one became two. At about the same time, I sold my house so when we started together, I had a cushion, I guess you could say. When I was single, I never kept a check book. I knew how much my check was and I didn't spend more than that. I know it's a very juvenile way to keep your finances but I'm not capable of much more. I would like to be but I just have some kind of shut off where numbers are concerned. If there are numbers involved, I might as well be blind. I will teach my children how to colour outside the lines, think outside the box and create wonderful, moving things. My husband will teach them that a penny saved is a penny earned, how to do their homework and understand it and that keeping a close eye on your finances is just the smart thing to do.

What I'm basically trying to say is that perhaps I've gotten off track. I always look for a deal and I buy a lot of my kids clothes 2nd hand. Not because we can't buy them new clothes, but because I like the idea of vintage. I wish there were cute vintage shops for kids, but I've never seen one. I bought my prom dress for $36 at a vintage store in Nashville and I would love to find something like that here. I just don't think they exist.

Now that River is two, I'm cutting back the whole milk and kickin it with the 2%! So, we're going to skip the stupid organic vanilla milk. We don't need Starbucks as much as we go and as a diabetic, I shouldn't be going there at all. After the crazy Birthday party I just had for my kids, it's time to cut back. We're all overfed and I hope I can make my kids see that. We really are very lucky, but I'm putting a halt to new toys and this week I am gutting this house of toys and clothes we don't need. Deadline: March 11th. I just registered for a consignment sale in Severna Park and I am unloading as much as possible at that sale. If the kids haven't touched it in a month, it will disappear in the dead of night.

I want to teach the kids that you don't need a million toys, a kick ass pair of boots, your dream purse or a really good back up camera to be happy. I'm not returning any of it, lets not get crazy, but we're trying to start anew. We'll see how well I do.

As far as being pretentious, perhaps it just appears that way to me. I should look it up to see if it even fits.

Pretentious: self-important and affected; acting as though more important or special than is warranted, or appearing to have an unrealistically high self-image

Yeah, that's me.


  1. I love it! My husband nicknamed me his "uppity elitest bitch" a few years back and I love that too. LOL
    I know how you feel on both sides. I say enjoy it all...the highs and lows.
    When I left my ex-husband 12 years ago I had 3 babies and lived on 950$ a month for over 6 months. I swore I would never do that again.
    So once I was making crazy money (and I do mean crazy) I bought everything I wanted and everything my kids wanted. I spoiled us all.
    They had it posh for 7 years. Then we went back to me being a stay at home mom (had another baby you know) and although they miss having whatever they want, they surprise me all the time thanking me for being at home. They are understanding and don't push it with wants and must haves.
    My husband has a great job and we are a family of 7. Great job or not, 7 makes things tight. So I love and appreciate all that crazy expensive stuff in my closet even more. And when I do go back to work (a few years from now) everyone will gt a little more spoiled. LOL
    So what am I saying? I am backing you up - no need to get rid of the stuff you have! And kids can surprise the hell out of you sometimes understanding the value of mom at home rather than mom at work. So don't worry about the retail example you may be setting.
    A toast to your Ugg Boots and Kate Spade purse from my Cole Haan shoes and Coach purse!

  2. Well said! I think we're all pretentious bitches. It's hard to walk the line between wanting good things for your kids, and going crazy with buying things for them! This is definitely a good challenge to me - as I look at the volume of toys in our house and KNOW we need to send some of them packing!

    Best of luck on kicking the Starbucks habit!

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