I was sitting in Starbucks the other day with my babies. As a diabetic, I've cut out most of the fun stuff I used to be capable of enjoying but from time to time, I still have a chai tea frappachino. It's a vice. A really good vice. A really good vice covered in whipped creamy goodness and cinnamon dolche. I get a lemon pound cake and vanilla bean scones for the kids and we sit at a table and the kids drink their organic low fat vanilla milk while I drink as much of my drink as I can before River starts in with the "Momma, can I have some cream?" I always give her some but I drink as much as I can before she gets handsy.
So, we're sitting in Starbucks, eating our sweets, while I drink my frappachino and watch my kids drink their organic milk. I look down at my Uggs and with a small laugh look over to my Kate Spade purse and pick up my too expensive back up camera to take a photo of my beautiful children and I had to ask myself, who the fuck am I?
How did this happen? Five years ago $16.99 was the most I'd ever paid for a pair of shoes and I thought Starbucks was for assholes, just like Hummers. While I bought my purse second hand and my boots were a gift, still something has changed in me and I'm not really sure how it happened without my noticing it. It was first brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago when my husband said this to me, "You have a crazy expensive backup camera. What's happened to you?"
I know the value of a dollar and what it feels like to not know where your next meal is coming from so a $130 pair of boots is just asinine. I know this. Don't get me wrong, I love my boots but $130? For what? I put my fucking feet in them! Granted, when I put my feet into them it's like they're wrapped in a big Australian cloud, but not a necessity by any means. Don't even get me started on the organic vanilla milk! Why can't Starbucks carry normal milk? Wouldn't you rather drink good old 2% than that vanilla crap?
All this may have happened when one became two. At about the same time, I sold my house so when we started together, I had a cushion, I guess you could say. When I was single, I never kept a check book. I knew how much my check was and I didn't spend more than that. I know it's a very juvenile way to keep your finances but I'm not capable of much more. I would like to be but I just have some kind of shut off where numbers are concerned. If there are numbers involved, I might as well be blind. I will teach my children how to colour outside the lines, think outside the box and create wonderful, moving things. My husband will teach them that a penny saved is a penny earned, how to do their homework and understand it and that keeping a close eye on your finances is just the smart thing to do.
What I'm basically trying to say is that perhaps I've gotten off track. I always look for a deal and I buy a lot of my kids clothes 2nd hand. Not because we can't buy them new clothes, but because I like the idea of vintage. I wish there were cute vintage shops for kids, but I've never seen one. I bought my prom dress for $36 at a vintage store in Nashville and I would love to find something like that here. I just don't think they exist.
Now that River is two, I'm cutting back the whole milk and kickin it with the 2%! So, we're going to skip the stupid organic vanilla milk. We don't need Starbucks as much as we go and as a diabetic, I shouldn't be going there at all. After the crazy Birthday party I just had for my kids, it's time to cut back. We're all overfed and I hope I can make my kids see that. We really are very lucky, but I'm putting a halt to new toys and this week I am gutting this house of toys and clothes we don't need. Deadline: March 11th. I just registered for a consignment sale in Severna Park and I am unloading as much as possible at that sale. If the kids haven't touched it in a month, it will disappear in the dead of night.
I want to teach the kids that you don't need a million toys, a kick ass pair of boots, your dream purse or a really good back up camera to be happy. I'm not returning any of it, lets not get crazy, but we're trying to start anew. We'll see how well I do.
As far as being pretentious, perhaps it just appears that way to me. I should look it up to see if it even fits.
Pretentious: self-important and affected; acting as though more important or special than is warranted, or appearing to have an unrealistically high self-image
Yeah, that's me.