Friday, December 31, 2010

I Resolve

As I sit here on the last day of the year I turned 40, I have no regrets. There isn't really anything I would change. I mean I wish this house had more storage space but that really isn't a regret as much as a dream. I've never been one for New Year's resolutions because I can lie to myself any day of the year. I don't feel like I need a special day for that. Needless to say, I've never made a New Year's resolution in my life.

However I thought this year I would try something new. In an attempt to know myself better (something I love to do since the closer I get, the groovier I become) I thought I would make some New Years resolutions for the very first time. I decided to keep them simple. They're things I know I'm capable of but may forget from time to time in the rough and tumble, rock & roll conga line that is my life.

So these are my inaugural New Years Resolutions:

I resolve to let my kids be kids ~ There is too much bullshit that goes on outside of this house and I refuse to allow it to come inside. In my home, all kids are welcome even if they spread dirt cups and tamale pie all over my couch. That's why they make Resolve (Ohh, that was kismet) and I won't allow it to stress me out any longer. I'm the idiot who bought a white couch so I deserve it. Also, lots of free playtime for my kids. They seem to love it and play very well together. They don't always share and sometimes my 1 y/o bitch slaps my 3 y/o but they're working on it. That's all I can ask.

I resolve to not buy into the fake "I'm just the baby" crap my almost 2 y/o daughter tries to unload on me daily. I've seen her hit her brother when she thinks I'm not looking and smile about it like a serial killer. She's way smarter than I gave her credit for. After a string of time outs that really piss her off, I'm well on my way to winning another battle of wills. She looks like an angel but she's got fire in her belly!

I resolve to continue to love what I love and make no apologies for it. This has been the year of Twilight and as I end the year as Editor and Chief of, I'm feeling pleased with myself. It isn't everything I want it to be yet but that takes time and I feel like I'm well on my way. Getting up every day and reading about Twilight has turned into a job for me and that makes me giggle like a school girl. I look forward to interviewing Hanna & Hindy Hilly in the new year. Twilight fans already know who they are, but you can check them out for yourself here.

I resolve that this will be the year that my almost 4 year old son will come home and ask for his first haircut. I have mentally prepared myself for it, but that doesn't mean I won't cry like a hyena without a carcass when it happens. Self expression is important and his is just as important as mine so when he says, "Momma I want a haircut" I will make sure it happens.

I resolve to never be the type of person who doesn't think this is funny. While taking photos of the eclipse I guess I bumped the tripod and got something that looked more like a man's penis, balls and all. Totally unintentional but it ended up being my favorite photo of the night.

I resolve to continue making an ass out of myself in the name of photography. I've never regretted whipping out my camera in front of complete strangers and taking hundreds of photos of my children. This year I did a 31 Self Portrait Challenge and it made me see photographing myself in a whole new light. Now I don't have to worry about being in my children's scrapbooks. From now on I make sure that I am. Now when I'm out with my kids and we're taking photos, I turn the camera on myself and I've never once felt bad about it. In fact, I giggle like a fool when I'm doing it. It even makes my husband laugh to watch me. It's forced me to see myself in a whole new light and I like what I see.

I resolve that I will never feel 40. Well, maybe when I'm 60 or 70. I think you start to get old when you tell yourself that you're old. I sometimes look at my young children and giggle because I don't feel old enough to have them sometimes and I think that's done wonders for my Psyche. I don't believe in the rules that we give ourselves as far as age. I don't not wear something because I feel stupid. I don't try to speak the way a 40 year old "should" speak. I don't have time to remember all that shit. It's too much work. I just resolve to kick as much ass now as I did when I was 20. Actually, I'm way better. A healthy self imagine is essential on this resolution.

I resolve that if I don't motor, I'm going to be late for my kick ass night out with our friends! I hope everyone has a happy and safe New Years! I know I plan to!

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