Saturday, December 25, 2010

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.....

I'll be the first to tell you that I can find just about anything to bitch about. It's easy for me because I think people are basically stupid. I have ZERO faith in humanity. So when I opened my Christmas turkey to prepare it for the oven today, CHRISTMAS DAY, the fact that it was rancid and smelled like the dead ass of a rotting Tauntaun, didn't shock me.

I load the rotting carcase up and drive to Giant which is open today for some reason and I slap it on the counter and wait in the line of 4 or 5 people. No one is actually behind the counter but again, not shocking. Once the chick finally returns and sells the Keno tickets and money orders, I get to the front of the line. I pushed my turkey towards her and said, "I bought this here 2 or 3 days ago. It is rotten. I'd like a new one." Now for me, that's nice. I see no point in adding a "Merry Christmas" on the front. I dispense with the pleasantries because I'm not interested in them. I just want to get my business done and get back to my family. I don't want to know if she's having a good day and I don't want to share that info with her either. I'm annoyed that they sold me something that clearly had the wrong expiration date on it. It didn't just go bad today. It was so foul that it was probably bad when I bought it but I couldn't smell it so I had no idea. I'm not even completely sure that someone didn't change the expiration date to give it another day or two to sell. I watch 20/20!
I've had a lot of shitty things happen on Christmas, flat tire, trip to the ER, hospital stay. However I've never opened my turkey and found it had turned. I guess I can check that off my bucket list.

The chick says to me, "What do you want me to do?" Now she could have meant, "Would you like another turkey or your money back?" BUT, that isn't what she said and what she did say left room for interpretation. My interpretation was that she was lazy and wanted me to walk her through it, which I found annoying. "I'd like a turkey that won't kill my family. How about we start there?" I thought that was a pretty fair response. My husband disagrees. I can live with that. I was letting the Christmas spirit flow through me when I stopped where I did. Not in my nature. I'm like Tiny Tim today!

They were of course out of fresh turkeys unless I wanted a 25 pounder which would mean we'd eat at midnight. So, I got my money back, faced my fear and went into the shittiest Safeway on the planet. I found a turkey breast that wasn't frozen and bought that. Buying a turkey breast is basically buying a turkey with all the good stuff missing. The breast is my least favorite part, but what were my options? It was seriously time to make the donuts at Safeway. They were out of everything but I guess that's to be expected on Christmas Day. I looked for Cornish Game Hens but they were all frozen. It was nice to see that nothing has changed at Safeway as the girls at the registers talked to each other as opposed to me. Nothing like great customer service to keep you coming back! I might as well have been invisible BUT I can totally give you a heads up on where to get good, cheap make up if you need it. Just axe me. I'll hook you up!

*EDIT* I thought I'd mention that the turkey breast I bought from Safeway was such a piece of shit that when the thing popped up to tell us it was ready (it took 2.5 hours like it said it would) and we cut it open, it was raw inside. We basically ate the top layer of about 3 pieces and threw that piece of shit away. I've never had such trouble with a turkey in my life. Next year we might have microwave burritos and Doritos. At lease there is a fighting chance that that won't kill me. I guess it's possible though.

1 comment:

  1. Following you through Sensational Weekend Social bloghop I hope you will come and follow me back

    I agree with you its gross.. but Im sure he is quite aware he is only being used for his money..he has to know.. if not hes really just stupid.I cant imagine she is that into him.