Monday, August 16, 2010

Money Laundering


I should be ashamed to tell this story but I needed to tell someone cause it was damn funny and I shared it with some girlfriends earlier.

The Direct TV guy was coming over and I was getting the area ready so his touching my things would be minimal. I removed the money I had hidden under some decorative pillows that should be on the bed but haven’t moved from this spot in the corner in well over two years. I don’t decorate my bed. I just don’t have that kind of time.

Under the pillows was $135 from stuff I've sold on Craig's List over the last couple of weeks. I hadn't had time to go to the bank so I put it aside. At the time I was only wearing a shirt and my undies so I stuck the money in my undies on my left cheek. I know I know. I didn’t want to leave it laying around and it’s hot today so adding another layer just so I could have a pocket seemed stupid. I remembered to out something on before he got here. Isn't that what's important?

Anyhoo, I forgot about it and used the bathroom once or twice and did everything else that a normal person does throughout their day. While the DTV guy was here, we all sat down for lunch. It was about this time that I put my hand on my ass to check on the money. It wasn't there. I thought , "Ok, maybe I took it out and put it in a drawer, I remembered doing that but when I opened the drawer, it wasn’t there. I checked a few other places and I began to think to myself, "Did I flush $135 down the fucking toilet?"

I didn't want to tell Chris because IT'S $135! So I searched the house in a cold sweat, right in the middle of my pulled BBQ beef sandwich. I’d just made the meat the day or so before and I swear it’s the best I’ve ever made! I know this is a side note but if you haven’t made it in the crock pot, you should. It’s totally idiot proof!

So, I finally sat back down starting to come to terms with the fact that I lost all that money and would have to tell him that it's in our septic tank. I didn’t think he’d freak out. He’s pretty level headed and it wouldn’t be the first thing I’ve lost in the toilet but I really didn’t want to tell him. I was so upset about it that I swear I was breathing heavy.

I almost started to cry when I felt an itch, and this is where it gets TMI, don't you know that money scooted down to my crotch and was just sitting there? I can’t remember ever scratching my crotch and letting out a giant tear filled sigh ever in my life but I wanted to kiss that money! I didn’t, but you feel me.

I finally told Chris and he said, "Do you think we'd get in trouble if we Googled Money Laundering?

Funny Guy.

3 comments:

  1. This was so funny! I laughed so hard when you thought you flushed it down the toilet.

    Too funny. I can't stop laughing at this story!

    Best wishes from one blogger to another,

    ~Zabrinah

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  2. OH. MY. GOSH!!! Hilarous! So glad you found your $135, I would have been in a tizzy too! :D

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  3. You have to be joking? Dirty money in your panties?
    I put all kinds of things in my panties, but money has never been one of them. ha ha ha

    Wow, I would totally look up how to "wash" your money after that.

    To be honest I would of been shitting my pants to if I thought I had lost $135 dollars.

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