Tonight is the last night I'll be "in my 30s" and I think I should be more upset about it. I don't seem to be phased at all that I'll be 40 when I wake up in the morning. I remember being more upset when I turned 19 than I am now.
This may be because when I was 19 I was heading off to school in New York, hundreds of miles away from my mother in Nashville and while it was an exciting time, it was scary as well. Now I feel better than ever! I have a great family and pretty groovy friends. My kids are almost perfect in their temperament and sweetness and my hair looks great!
I guess when you turn 40, it's time to look over your life and make assessments. Answering the age old questions, "Have I lived a good life?" "Did I always do the right thing?" "Was I the best person I could be?" "Have I achieved what I wanted to achieve thus far?" The truth to all of those questions is, not always but everything I've ever done has been on my own terms and I've never tried to keep up with anyone else. That adds a lot to your life.
The things I have achieved far outweigh what I haven't. My house is in a constant state of messiness but my kids are cared for. I don't shave my legs every day but I kiss my babies to sleep every night. I sometimes have to get my clothes for the day from a laundry basket but my babies dress better that my husband and I combined. There's enough dog hair in my house to create another dog but my babies crawl across the floor and never complain. I have a 50 pound three year old and a 22 pound 18 month old and he is so gentle with her that it's sometimes unbelievable. I'm proud of my family and I'm proud of my home. I like having things that are only mine and things that I share with my family and my friends. I haven't lost myself in having children or becoming a wife. I have some good friends that I trust with my secrets and that's saying a lot because I don't do that much.
I have things that I love that most people don't understand and that's OK. I've never expected people to understand all that I am and I don't ask that of anyone. I'm a bundle of contradictions and I know that. I'm a pain in the ass and sometimes I argue just to hear myself talk. I know I'm not easy to live with and that I think I know everything and thankfully I found someone who doesn't take shit off of me which to be honest is the sexiest thing in man. I generally steamroll my way through life and it's nice when someone has the balls to stop me.
So, tomorrow I turn 40 with my head held higher than it needs to be and two beautiful children at my unpedicured feet. I'm excited to be 40 because I'm waaaayyy groovier than I thought 40 would be. If 40 is this cool, imagine how much ass I'm gonna kick at 50!