Tuesday, July 6, 2010

An Open Letter to My Son

WTF? I just want you to pee in a bowl. Why is this so difficult? It use to be virtually impossible to get you to even sit on the potty but now you sit, with a cookie in each hand. What do I have to do to get you to actually pee, bake an friggen apple pie?

You sit on the potty when we ask and sometimes you even ask to sit on the potty but I read that little mind like a cheap Harlequin. You just want a cookie, or two cookies and as soon as you say, "All done," I look into the potty hoping to see sweet yellow gold but all I see is Nilla Waffer crumbs. What gives? Why is peeing in the potty so difficult? It's not like I'm asking you to aim well. I'm assuming that's the last thing men learn and if you peed on the floor, at least you're trying to hit the bowl which is really all I ask.

We put your big boy pants on you when we're home and while you've never pooped in them and you seem to hold your pee as long as possible, I would like you to tell me you need to go to the potty before you pee in your pants again. I'm cool with cleaning up the mess because that is my job as your mother but if you don't get it together you might not be able to go to the big boy school next month and that would really suck.
So, new rule. You no longer get cookies just for sitting down. Now you only get snackage for actually producing something. You might want to take advantage of this because it is the only time in your life that someone will give you something for sitting on the toilet and leaving something gross. When you're older people will think you're creepy for asking for a cookie when you poop and you could lose a lot of girls that way so come on buddy, make it happen!
Love Momma

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