Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Having Kids is Like Going to Prison

Think about it. When was the last time you went to the bathroom alone?

I was sitting around with some friends today when we started talking about how we have to share everything with our children. Just this morning I took a shower with River staring at me through the curtain. She didn't even have to insert a quarter! She got that show for free! Not that I could charge, but still.

I can't remember the last time I went to the bathroom alone. Owen actually put his arm into the bathroom door so while it closes, it doesn't latch properly. Either child or the damn dog can come running in while you're doing your business. So degrading. It would be nice to do some things alone but this is what I signed on for.
My great Uncle's son owns a restaurant in Knoxville, TN. called Charley Peppers and I remember going there with my family the last time I visited and going to use the restroom. On the inside of the stall so you'd have no choice but to stare at it was a poster that said, "Drink and drive and this could be the last time you pee alone for 5 years." I think it was effective and this was a year or so before I even met my husband so it has stuck with me all that time. There could have easily been a sign right next to it that said, "Have a baby and this is the last time you'll pee alone for 5 years." Both are true.
I pee, shower, dress, undress, eat, have personal conversations, read my email, talk to friends and family on the phone, all with an audience. The only difference between motherhood and a prison sentence (besides the fact that my kids rock!) is shower shoes.
I guess (for now) I don't have to worry about getting shived by my kids either, that's a plus.


  1. I don't think I've peed alone since college-I lived in dorm with my sorority sisters and then my real sister was also close and then I had a baby!

  2. As I was scrolling through my blog roll, I let out a snort of laughter when I saw the title of your post! Still laughing! Thanks, I needed that!

  3. oh My Michelle- I laughed so hard thru this entire post that I now have to pee....hopefully alone- we shall see!