Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Got Felt Up By a Stranger Today....Yay!

The "I'm 40 Tour" rolled into American Radiology today so I could get felt up by a woman I didn't know. Thankfully she was really nice and her hands weren't like ice. I will have one of these every year for the rest of my life so I better find a way to like it.

I had my first mammogram today and it was pretty much everything I expected. Saying it is painful is a stretch (pun) but it is at least pretty damn uncomfortable and if anyone tells you that it isn't it's because they are super full of shit. She took me back into a small room with a tall digital machine that had two plates sticking out of it. Apparently digital is the only way to fly. I had to stand next to it and once she put me where she wanted me she cranked the top plate down. Yeah, uncomfortable. Not, "I'm petrified to do it again" uncomfortable but "I hate wearing a helmet but I'm an idiot if I don't" uncomfortable.

Since it was highly uncomfortable and you have to stay like that and hold your breath while they take the picture, I decided to use humor to get through it cause that's how I roll. I mean they take your boob, put it on a plate and crank the other plate on top of it til it almost looks flat. I asked the lady "How in hell do you do this if a chick's boobs are an A cup or even smaller?" She said that it can sometimes be unbearable for women with small boobs. I can't even imagine. She was pulling my boobs around like she was making bread and I can tell that she was trying to be gentle. I certainly understand why you can't wear deodorant or lotions cause if I had lotion on, my boobs would have slipped out of that thing!

It's still laughable to me that after birthing my children I can whip a body part out like that without even thinking about it. It's not like there is any way around it anyway. The lady was trying to help me stay covered and I was like, "Whatever, lets just make this happen!" It's just a boob. I'm pretty sure she had them too. I guess some women are weird about that stuff. It has to be done regardless and I will do it every year like clockwork. All women should.

Some useful information from the American Cancer Institute:


  1. LOL how could I resist reading a blog with the title "I got felt up by a stranger"? Thanks for letting me re-live my last mamogram! LOL
    PS Im visiting from Lady Blogger Tea Party Social :)

  2. Love your description! Yeah, they're uncomfortable but I've heard far too many horror stories from women who do their lady friends a disservice by scaring the hell out of them. They're not THAT bad. Like you said, comparable to wearing a helmet (not that the helmet is on your boob ...).

    Thanks for the smiles!

    ~ Lisa (from the LBS Tea Party ... which to me always sounds like a visit from a Latter Day Saint of the Tea Party political persuasion, but we know better than that!)

  3. As someone who has yet to have her first mammogram, thanks for making it less scary and more "real", although I still don't look forward to it. Love from the tea party!

  4. You know, I've never had one of those done. Maybe I should... but with my tiny titties it sounds a little scary, haha.

    Showing love from LBS!

  5. You just described my mammo experience from a few years ago too. LOL Definitely uncomfortable. Completely embarrassing. Totally hysterical (if only from the lab tech's P.O.V.) Great post!