Monday, June 14, 2010


We had plans this morning with our friends Laura and Alexa to spend the morning at the pool but since I got the Sunburn of 2010, I kinda needed to sit one more day out of direct sunlight. I plan on rejoining the land of the living tomorrow for a trip to the zoo but today, I continue recooperating. Except for the wedding I haven't been able to wear one very important unmentionable and I plan on revisiting that tomorrow. While it's been easy breezy, I'd like to get back to business as usual.

Since I wasn't able to go to the pool, I got a few other things done instead. I loaded up the kids and went to the Optometrist first thing. My glasses broke at the wedding over the weekend and I was so afraid of the lens falling out that I didn't clean them so that's been stressing me out. I was going to look into getting a back up pair but the lady informed me that they didn't take my new insurance. This is a huge pain in the ass because it means I have to not only find another eye doctor but then get a new eye exam before I can get new glasses. So, I just left after they fixed the glasses I had on. Later, when I got home I discovered that they do take our insurance so I was a little pissed I hadn't been able to take care of getting a new pair but I'll just go back. It wasn't her fault and she took the time to call my insurance. It was the morons at my insurance company who gave her bad information. There's a shocker.

After that I had to take the kids to LabCorps. NIGHTMARE! was right! MISERABLE, those people are. I don't get it. You sit on your ass for a living! You aren't even touching people. What are you so pissed about? I should be the one who is pissed. I sit there for 45 minutes in the vilest of vile conditions after fasting and you want to give me attitude? Trust me, you are fucking with the wrong bitch. You don't want to get into this and don't tell me I have the same name as a famous person, I already know that tidbit and it's too late. No need to try to be nice now. Now I think I was "pleasant" because I had my angels with me, but I was firm. I filled out the right paperwork, look again and if you can't read, take that shit out on your parents, not me.

My favorite part of the adventure was the 5'2" guy who had a belly so big that he bumped Owen in the head with it. He sent his buddy to the car to get his Sunkist because he had to take a "pee test." He must have repeated the words "pee test" ten times. At one point he actually said the word urinalysis and all I could think was, "SPELL IT!" I had to laugh because there was a Deer Park water machine right there. When I think "pee test," I don't think soda. He gulped some of that soda down and then proceeded to burp over and over and over. He said excuse me after the first five or so and then he let out a really big chunky one and acted like he was shocked, like he didn't know it was coming. I just looked at him and said, "Really?" "Oh, I can't help it, it's this cold drink." Now since I'm fluent in redneck, I immediately recognized the term "cold drink" as being of the back woods persuasion. I knew if I sat around long enough, he'd end a sentence with "By God!" I felt like I was sitting at the Stop N Go in Bon Aqua, Tennessee. I guess you can run but you can't hide. The sad thing is that I actually like Sunkist, except for the caffeine but I will never be able to drink another one without thinking of that man's pudgy lips taking in the bottle before burping into the air that I was forced to breathe. Really what I wanted to do was kick him in the gullet for ruining my orange soda craze! Now when I think of drinking my cold orange goodness, I envision it mixed with upper lip sweat and bad grammer. Thanks jackass!

Once we got out of that shit hole, we went to Walmart because some things you can only get there like corn dog bites. Owen totally loves them and they aren't expensive. I got some cheap tank tops for River and I checked on some new fake Crocs for Owen. I got him a really good pair once at Kmart but have never seen them since. To be honest going into Kmart for anything you need just isn't worth it. Chris and I took the family yesterday after we got River diapers at BRUs. I swear if it wasn't connected to BRUs, I wouldn't have bothered. That store is like standing directly under someones armpit. It is just gross. The employees are gross, the customers are gross, the items are gross and the fitting rooms look like they store clothes back there because they never clean them. I think my I.Q. dropped 10 points when I walked through the door. I knew it was bad when my husband turned to me five seconds in the door and said, "Get what you need and lets get the hell out of here. I feel dirty." We both agreed that the only place worse is Ollies, which is pretty bad. Ollie's is basically a big warehouse and they back a truck up and dump a load of shit right into it. I guess they assume that it didn't sell so we'll put it at Ollie's and people will buy it if it's cheap enough. It smells like an old thrift store in there which skeeves me.

I was glad when we finally got home so I could vacuum through a week's worth of dog hair, but at least we were home.

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