Monday, June 7, 2010


I love days that humble me. There aren't enough of those days lately because it seems like I'm surrounded by people that aren't that bright or at least aren't that quick on a daily basis. Most people are also so afraid to offend that they don't offer anything new or valuable. I like when I judge a book by its cover and I'm proven wrong. Nothing impresses me more than someone who has the balls not to take my shit. I love when someone listens to what I say and then looks right at me and basically says, "You know you're full of shit, right?" Sometimes I dish out loads of crap on purpose just waiting for someone to acknowledge it and I think less of humanity when it doesn't happen, which is almost always. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that that person was going to be my three year old son.


Owen had his first dental appointment this morning. I'll be honest, I wasn't looking forward to it. He has issues with people he doesn't know and add the fact that those same people would be touching him, I knew the day would get interesting. We were referred to this dentist by our friend (Thanks Michelle!) and I thought it was pretty cool. In the front of the small strip of offices there is a small red train car. We got there early so I let Owen play around it for a few minuted before we went in. He liked playing there so much that I had to drag him away just to go inside. All was forgiven when we got inside and he saw the video games. My biggest concern was being able to get him away from the games when his name was called and as predicted, he didn't disappoint, but we worked it out.
Once we were in the back, we were lead to a chair where I asked Owen to sit down. Much like his mother, Owen isn't a friend of new things so I had to put him in the chair myself where I was able to snap just one picture of his first dental appointment. My normal MO is to take 50+ pictures of such an event but Owen didn't want anything to do with sitting in that chair. When the hygienist came over and raised the chair, I tried to make him think it was a fun ride but he wasn' t buying it. He's not naive enough to believe anything he's told. She gave me the "some kids cry." speech and "some parents get upset but we think it's best.." I stopped her right there and assured her, "I'm not that parent. I'd rather hear my kid cry that have his teeth fall out of his mouth."
We laid him back and he clamped his mouth shut and stared at that women like an extra from Children of the Corn, pure evil in his eyes. He wanted nothing to do with her or her mirror on a stick. She had to pry his little lips open while I held his hands down. Thankfully it didn't take long because towards the end, holding his hands down was becoming almost impossible.
When the hygienist finished, we needed to wait for the dentist. Not as easy as it sounds because it's a big open room with maybe 5 or 6 chairs and I didn't want him running around so I made him stay in his seat or by my feet. Thankfully we didn't have to wait long but when he saw the dentist sit down and roll her chair towards us, he tried to make a run for it. I scooped him up (which is getting harder and harder to do) and plopped him back down in the chair. He threw himself forward and with his legs hanging off either side of the chair, laid his head down and clamped his hands around the bottom of the chair. I tried, unsuccessfully to get him to unlatch his death grip but I couldn't get him off. He became one with that damn chair and even the hygienist couldn't get him to let go. This is the strongest 3 year old ever. I should totally call Guinness.
I should be ashamed to say that I finally got him to let go by poking him in the sides. When I started poking, it was an attempt to tickle hoping that would help but after a minute of that I started just poking away with the end of my finger waiting for him to show a weakness so I could exploit it, which is what finally happened.
My favorite part of the experience was when he was laying back in the dental chair, the hygienist holding his mouth open with the suction thing stuck in his mouth while I held both his hands down by his belly. I talked to him, trying to get him to relax and know that it wasn't so bad. I said, "Owen, it's OK. Everyone loves going to he dentist." He looked right at me and said, in just the saddest voice, "Stop it Momma, right now!" He read me like a cheap Harlequin. How was I not supposed to laugh at that?
Can't wait to to it again next week with River.
After we left the dental office I took Owen to school. He missed riding the bus and was only a few minutes late. They had PE first thing so after I took a picture of him with his teacher, we walked over to the gym. She's his first teacher and we both really like her. He's learned so much in such a short period of time. I'm sad he won't have her again and I just know that all the teachers he will ever have will be compared to her in my eyes and that's a lot to live up to. I wanted a picture to document the special time. I know he will miss her and I worry that his teacher for the summer session won't be as good, but I try to be open.
When we got him to the gym for PE., the door opened and he turned to wave goodbye to me and then ran screaming into the gym trying to snag a ball, his mouth tasting like yummy strawberries. Nothing phases that kid.

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