Thursday, April 15, 2010

Quarter Auction

Ok, I have two questions. One, Is it a requirement to scream at the top of your lungs when you win an 18 or over sexually explicit gift bag and two, is it a prerequisite that you be fat if you hang out at a fire hall? It was tough enough picturing some of these women naked when they strolled to the front, all smiles to collect their Anal Ease, but did they have to yell so loud? Also, I was glad I had a light dinner.

Tonight I did the oldest thing I've ever done. I went to a quarter auction. When I first walked in, I shit you not, I thought I was at Bingo. My friend Angie is a Close to My Heart Rep. and she invited me. Sherry came as well which saved the night cause I had someone to chat with. When I say chat what I really mean is crack on some of the crazy ass people who apparently frequent these shindigs. It's tough to sit with Sherry sometimes cause she's a proud Canadian and my natural instinct is to end every sentence with "Aye?" and ask her what the hell she's talking "aboot". But I refrain.

You pay $5 to get in and they give you two paddles with numbers on them. I got a third paddle because of the flyer Angie gave me. You bid a quarter or two on different items and then you can win said item. I'm not 100% sure how the vendors make out and I'll have to get the low down from Angie on that one but it was fun. They had a bar and served food which we didn't eat.

It seemed like the same people kept winning over and over and I don't know if that's coincidence or cause they had 15 paddles. I was there to support my friend so I didn't bother to check. I did win some Mary Kay eyeshadow which I like to kindly refer to as "Whore Paint." I do not want to meet the bitch that would wear this shit. Maybe Donna Summer circa 1976, but that's all I could come up with. I can't wait to re gift this to someone, anyone. If you've got a birthday coming up, get ready.

Also, butt crack. What's up with the crack of your ass being right in my face? If you're over the age of 5 and I can see your ass crack, you need an intervention. Just buy some pants that fit for God's sake!
It was also nice to come home and hear from my husband that my daughter is becoming aggressive and is willing to bitch slap you if you take her bottle away. Also tonight my son apparently learned what a courtesy flush is. How he got to be three in this house without knowing that is beyond me.

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