Friday, April 9, 2010

It's Official, I Hate Tiger Woods

I'll be honest, I gleefully know nothing about golf. I really don't know too much about sport in general and I'm OK with that, but I can tell you that I am sick to death of hearing about Tiger Woods. A rich man with a beautiful wife and two beautiful children isn't much of a story until that man bones every woman he walks past. I was willing to let it go until I saw his new Nike commercial where he digs up the corpse of his dead father to conjure up meaning and sympathy. The 30 second spot made my skin crawl and hate him where I didn't really give two shits before.

If I were his wife, I would have wrapped a golf club tightly around his neck and then shoved a putter up his ass. Divorce? He dragged his wife and children through the mud so I would have dared him to try to take half. It's almost impossible to take half of something that is burning to the ground. Matches are cheap.

How do you stay with a man that did that? One is bad enough but 14? What do you tell yourself when you look in the mirror? I'm doing it for the kids? I think a more important lesson is not to let people shit all over you and live to tell about it. I would have divorced his ass and then written a book about it, printing every last text message and phone conversation. I would have called it, "My Life With A Giant Golfing Asshole and His Whores."

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