Saturday, March 27, 2010

Coloured Eggs, Green Icing and a Big Fake Gun

Our friend Sydney had her 3rd Birthday party today and we were all invited. Not many husband's usually come to these things but Chris always does. He likes to see Owen running around and playing with his friends. He doesn't obviously spend as much time with three year olds as I do so it's always fun to see his reaction to a toddle beat down, which happens every 3-5 minutes or so. I thought for sure Ayden and Owen would come to blows over the big fake wooden gun, but they got past it. Hearing his story of how he sat and watched Cooper and Ayden break medieval on each other over a toy was priceless.

Michelle made funfetti cupcakes that looked like little Easter baskets. Very cool! She used licorice for the handle and since I can't stand licorice I never thought to buy some for Owen to try so it was nice to see him dig right in. Between the cupcake(s), jelly beans, ice cream sandwiches and chocolate covered pretzels, Owen ate like he had low blood sugar. I even saw him snag a Capri Sun. Like most parents, we don't keep these kinds of things in our house so when he goes to a party, he acts like he just got out of prison and eats everything he can get his hot little hands on.

We've had trouble with Owen in the past, at his friend's Birthday parties, totally freaking out when the Birthday cake comes out. You can always tell when it's time to sing and then eat cake cause Owen shimmies his ass into the chair closest to the cake or cupcakes. It would be cute if that weren't the seat that the Birthday girl is supposed to sit in, but it always seems to be where he plants his cheeks. While he did this today, he just chanted, "cake, cake, cake" as opposed to screaming "CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!" at the top of his lungs. It was nice to not have to whisk my kids out of a party for a change while Owen drags icing by his hair.

Speaking of icing, he had so much green icing on his face that after his bath, he looked like somebody punched him in the eye. That stuff stains your skin. I'm not really sure how he got it on his eye but whatever.

River seemed to have a great time too. She had her first Marshmallow Peep, which was stale. The only way to fly. Good call on that one by me. I'm not much of a Peep eater but I do remember that them being stale was an important factor to the Peep yumminess. The best thing about the party was that someone else was throwing it. It's so much more relaxing when someone else is doing everything. Don't get me wrong, she put a lot of work into it and we enjoyed it but it's nice to sit around and talk to your friends while your kids play.

I hope Syndey liked our gift. Every girl wants a tu tu, right? I found a groovy one with a matching leotard. It's red, which is my favorite colour and I think she'll look cute in it. Everyone has a colour. Momma is peach, Chris is blue and I guess I'm black. Hell, I don't know, but I think Sydney is a red. I can't explain that, but that's the colour I see when I think of her. Maybe it's the sassiness, I'm not sure.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dude, I Got A Dell.

My husband and I ordered a new laptop for me a couple of months ago. He finally caved because he was tired of hearing me bitch about what a giganto piece of shit was PC was. To be fair, it really is a giganto piece of shit, but I was relentless about it. It moved an a snail's pace and drove me insane. Sometimes it took 10 minutes just to log onto it and get onto AOL. Yes, I know AOL is part of the problem and the deal I made with my husband was that we'd get the laptop, but no AOL, which I'm totally fine with. It really does corrupt your system and it's so 10 years ago.

So, no AOL on this kick ass ruby red, huge, light weight lap top that is so wide that I have to buy a new computer bag. I wanted the biggest screen possible and while I think they make one that is a little bigger, this one kicks ass. It's so much more advanced than the one I've been using. I sat them together on the table this morning and I had to laugh. The new one makes the old one look like a joke. The new one is so much more advanced than my last one that it took me like 10 minutes just to figure out how to turn it on and I finally had to get the booklet out. Then I wanted to play a CD and once I found the hole, I couldn't figure out how to get it inside to play. It totally just sucked it in. Scared the crap out of me. I thought I was at Spacely Spacerockets for a minute. Way too advanced for me.

Anyhoo, Chris is out tonight so I'll have to wait til he gets home tomorrow night to get in online because that is way out of my area of expertise. It's just sitting on the table. I stare at it like it's the friggen Hope Diamond. I think I might be afraid of it, but I'm gonna use the hell out of it, once Koldan sets it up for me. It's just so cute! Who doesn't love red, right?

Also, I thought it was a good omen that one of the few songs that came loaded on my Windows Media Player was Debussey's The Girl with the Flaxen Hair. It's one of my favorites. I listened to it like 10 times while I tried to figure out how to load a CD.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What Would Jesus Buy?

I like to walk around and listen. I've always thought that you learn a lot more if you shut your mouth occasionally and just pay attention. Committing the stupid shit people do and say into my memory for later use has always been one of my favorite past times. Over the last few days I've noticed some goodies that I've been stockpiling and after the sign I saw today at Borders (See? I spelled it correctly)I thought it was time to share.

Over the weekend, we took the kids to the park because the weather was beautiful. Even on the water, with the breeze, the kids could still wear shorts and River even had on a tank. So cute, I can't even tell you.

Anyhoo, we're at the park minding our own business while the boy plays (well, mind you) in the sandbox with the sweetest little ginger (I mean it lovingly, relax) kid and he's having a good ole time. I let him play because I'm not the kind of mother who hangs over her kid asking over and over, "Are you having a good time? Are you playing nice?" As he's playing, there are two women behind me who I would guess were a little younger then me and they're talking about all the work they've had done. This is the one part that grabbed me, "I told her to get her skin stripped and resurfaced. What would it hurt? It would make her feel better." WTF? I can think of why that would hurt. I would also never give my friend the advice that ripping her skin off would make her feel better.

What is wrong with women today? Do we really think that resurfacing our skin will make us look younger? If you're 50 and you've been resurfacing, peeling and injecting your skin since you were in your 30s, you don't look younger. You look like a 50 year old whose resurfaced, peeled and injected your skin all up. You aren't fooling anyone. Stop fighting it every step of the way and embrace it. Just loosing the worry will keep you younger.

While my son was at school today, I took River to the mall to get her the grooviest dress for an upcoming baptism. My husband is the Godfather and is very excited about it. One of his fraternity brothers and his wife have the cutest little baby boy named Logan and we're really looking forward to the baptism. I'm not sure what Owen will wear because suits on little kids totally creeps me out. Whenever I see them it always reminds me of the scene in The Omen where they pull up to the church and Damian freaks out and claws his parents. Totally skeeves me. So, I'm thinking a Polo and nice pair of pants. As God is my witness, my son will not wear a suit until he's a teenager and has no other choice. The only function I see where it could be absolutely necessary would be a wedding that he was in and I don't see one of those on the horizon. Phhhwww!

So, we're walking through Borders (did it again) and on the way to the elevator, I see the sign I posted above and I laughed out loud. It's moments like these that requires that I never leave the house without my camera. I always thought the WWJD thing was funny but maybe a good thing for kids if you want to remind them to think before they do something stupid, but it's gone way too far when you're using it to sell things. However, that's what it's been used for all along so I don't know why I found it so funny. Those brackets aren't free. Someone is getting the money for them. Just the thought that Jesus wants to you buy a bible cover, I don't know. It made me think if anyone ever passed it and thought, "Yeah, Jesus wants me to have a bible cover. Gotta get me one of those."

Monday, March 22, 2010

Teabaggers are Assholes

I believe that in this Democracy that we live in, people should be free to make their own choices and decisions regarding just about everything. It would be nice if you could vote for a health care bill because you want all people to have access to affordable health care, without being called a nigger 15 times by people standing on the Capital spewing their love of our county. It would be nice if you could vote for the health care bill without being called a faggot, but since being an asshole isn't illegal, that's exactly what happened.

These are the same Americans who tie yellow ribbons around their trees and praise soldiers who fight and die to protect our freedoms that they don't think all Americans should have, just Americans like them.

These are the same Americans that don't think Americans should help other Americans in need of affordable health care, but still call themselves Christians when they tuck their babies in at night.

These are the same Americans that sit on their couches in their homes and say to their loved ones, "What's wrong with calling him a nigger? Did it even happen? I didn't see any video."

It's never ending.

The Tale of Two Moons

So today after I took Owen to the doctor to see what the hell is wrong with him now, I decided to take a covert trip to Target. I saw online that there are different versions of the New Moon DVD, which just came out. I bought the one from Walmart last month. It hasn't come yet but I also heard there was a three disc deluxe edition at Target. I didn't want to share this info with my husband for fear that I'd sound like an excessive crackpot (which I am) so I snuck over on the way home with Owen. If it had been $30, I wouldn't have bought it because it just would have been ridiculous. However, it was on sale for $19, with a $5 gift card offer. SCORE! That would make it much easier to lay it out to my husband when I got home. Turns out he didn't care anyway. He said he draws the line at owning three copies of the same DVD so technically, I could buy one more. That was my interpretation anyway.

I rarely buy movies because my husband has an ass load that we never watch and we just don't have the room. Also, to say our taste differs is somewhat of an understatement. If I had to watch Basketball in it's entirety, I'd probably hang myself from an overpass. However, I knew I'd buy New Moon, just like I bought Twilight and just like I will buy Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, weather it's one movie or two. Besides the actual movie, my favorite thing on a DVD is deleted and extended scenes. I really, really have to love a movie to give a shit about deleted scenes and this DVD I bought today is supposed to have good ones, which I will be watching as soon as I'm done here.

The funny part of the story of me sneaking into Target today is that I (of course) ran into my friend (who shall remain nameless) while I was on my top secret New Moon mission. She even told me, "Oh, I already got it and watched it on Pay preview." I didn't have the heart to tell her,, "Yeah, I already bought it too but I' lurking for a second copy for more footage."

I'm like a 15 year old but with bigger boobs and clear skin. Also, I didn't cuss this much when I was 15. Ah fuck it! Who am I kidding, yes I did.

Also, I'd totally make fun of the Edward doll above it I didn't already own it.

And for those who are wondering, the doctor said my kid is totally fine. He threw up all over me and that was it. I wish I could throw up all over somebody and then feel better.

Go in peace.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Lazy Saturday

We had originally planned to take the kids into DC on Saturday to the Smithsonian and some monuments but because Owen had been doing the ole' heave ho all night, we decided to stick close to home and take it easy.

We took the kids to the park instead and it was beautiful! The weather was perfect and we all wore shorts. I know it's supposed to get cold again this week but we were all over it while we had the chance. River even got a little sun under her eyes.

Our master plan was to put River in the stroller and then walk around the park trails until we ended up at the playground. Owen had other plans. As soon as we started to walk in the opposite direction, he lost his shit and refused to move. SO, because he'd been sick, we relented and just walked toward the playground which immediately perked him up. He had a good time playing in the sandbox with some other kids. Thankfully I'm blessed with a kids who plays really well with others.

After the playground we walked down to the water and hung out for a while. The water was freezing, as is to be expected but I stood in it for a few minutes to take a few pictures of the kids.

On the way home we stopped at the market and Chris ran in to pick up some sides for dinner. When he came back, he let me know that he'd bought me "a prize." Now, out of the kindness of his heart he bought me some wine coolers. He did this because Jack Daniels makes these kick ass drinks that I just love and they're 5% alcohol, which really isn't a lot. I don't drink them often, but if I have a drink at home, that's what it is. I guess he thought they were in the same family, they aren't. Wine coolers contain sulfites, which I am allergic to and these things are 3.2% alcohol, which is roughly the same alcohol content in kool-aid.

It isn't like I haven't had one of these before. I must have because when I took a sip I immediately acknowledged to myself and my husband that they tasted like the
8th grade.

Ahhhhhh, memories.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Sick Baby Boy

Last night as I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I went to the stupid New Moon release party and since I didn't stay long, I drove the long way home and listened to my new Joan Jett CD, which totally rocks. I just have a special place in my heart for a chick that would rather kick you in the throat than hear any bullshit that you might feel the need to unload. Also, any girl who feels the need to rage should be aware of the chicks that raged before her. The Runaways were the first all girl band that rocked, and they really rocked.

So I drove around with the windows down, with my hair blowing in the wind and the music just blasting. It is a greatest hits collection and there are songs of hers and from The Runaways so I could have listened to it forever. At some point, I decided to go home. When I got home, I felt the way I always do when I do something "frivolous", stupid.

Owen was in bed with Chris when I got home and I could tell immediately that he didn't feel well. He didn't have a temp, but he was obviously hurting. We'd had pizza for dinner and we let him eat a couple of garlic knots so I thought that stupidity was just coming back to haunt all of us. Several hours later, a few clothes changes and more vomit running down my body than I care to remember, and I no longer think it was the knots. I'm not sure what caused it but it seems to be gone now. I also love how Owen doesn't whistle beef until I pick him up. The feeling of hot puke hitting your neck is just something that you can't describe. Hot and chunky. It's just vile, really.

Out of the kindness of my heart, I'll post a picture of Joan Jett and not my kid puking. Consider it a gift.

Total Nazi Youth Criminal

Unless you take full responsibility as the head of your church, you have nothing to say that is worth listening to.

My favorite part:

"Benedict made it clear that he understood the misery endured by victims of abuse and asked them to forgive the church."

Really? You understand what it's like to be raped by a priest and then have that priest protected by the church? Really? How does that feel again?

Picking this guy to be the new pope is the worst decision the Catholic church has made in ages and they've done some dumb shit over the last several years.

Meet Me At The Equinox

So I did what is to date, the lamest thing I have ever done and I've done some lame shit in my days. New Moon was finally released yesterday and while I already pre-ordered the special Fan Edition from Walmart, I decided to go to the release party at Boarder's anyway. Just for shits and giggles, I decided to see what a New Moon release part entailed.

About three things I was absolutely positive:

First, these people are crazy. You're 40 years old. Find a fucking shirt that fits for God's sake! A tip, GET OUT OF THE JUNIOR SECTION!
Second, there was a part of me and I didn't know how dominate that part might be, that wanted an explanation on why an adult would be in line at the "sparkle" table.
Third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably sure that I wanted to bitch slap some of these preteens.

Now I will be the first to admit that I absolutely love everything Twilight but there are some limitations that come with not being 12, like I'm not an idiot. If I were 12, I would have owned that fucking place but I'm not and the thought of "sparkling" just makes me itchy. They also had a tattoo table and I just wasn't into a fake tattoo that said "Forks." I'm not sure why anyone would want that but whatever.

There were a lot of preteens there and if I had one and she were into this, I totally would have taken her but it seemed like some people just dropped their kids off to a midnight release party? WTF? I don't think I'd leave my 12 year old at the mall at midnight, maybe it's just me.

I sat for a while and drank my hot chai tea that those people couldn't make correctly if the directions were tattooed across my chest and watched these people. I lasted about 15 minutes until I started to cringe out loud and then I knew that was my que. I grabbed the Joan Jett CD I picked up and hit the road.

I also thought it was funny that they thought to release New Moon on the equinox. Simple pleasures.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

We Don't Change Who We Are Because Someone Doesn't Like Us

Today my son came home from school and he seemed a little different. He was a bit quiet even through my barrage of daily questions. Did you have fun at school today? What did you do? Did you have fun? He always answers me, even if I don’t understand most of what he’s saying. Today he ate all of his lunch without saying much of anything and without playing with his toys, which is very unlike Owen. He seemed to want to stay close to me, even rubbing his face across my arm. I tried asking him if he was Ok, but he didn’t answer, as I don’t think he’s really capable of answering a question like that right now. As he was standing very close to me, he leaned in and said, “haircut.”

Now if Owen had said, “I want a haircut,” he’d be scheduled for one already. As beautiful as my son’s hair is, I’ve always said that if he comes home and says he wants it cut, it’s a done deal. He is welcome to whatever haircut he likes. The thought of my baby with a wiffle is heartbreaking, but if that’s what he wants, that’s what he gets. However, that isn’t what happened. What happened was that he whispered “haircut” under his breath like it was a bad word.

My concern is this, either a kid is making fun of him or a teacher is telling him that he needs a haircut. Either would push me well past the point of being pissed off. When I first took Owen in to meet his teacher before he started school, the speech pathologist was there as well. I remember her mentioning that Owen’s hair might confuse the other children and I said to her then, “I don’t see why it would confuse them anymore than a girl with short hair and if someone made fun of her, I would hope you’d address it and I expect the same for my son.” Now she said this at a point when I was getting it from all sides and was just starting to get annoyed by it. I don’t care if people say, “You have beautiful daughters,” cause that is innocent but if you say to me, “You really should get his haircut,” prepare for the wrath that is Michelle because I’m tired of everyone’s fucking opinion on my son’s hair. He’s my fucking kid! Don’t I get to make the decisions with my husband without your fucking thoughts? I’m trying to handle this through email but I have a feeling that this will end with a parent teacher conference.

I would like to think that if the teacher saw a kid making fun of Owen that she would address if immediately and call me to tell me about it. The thought that it could be one of his teachers making a comment to him because she doesn’t like his hair fills me with a rage I cannot convey. Is George Orwell teaching this fucking class?

“God grant me the serenity not to punch a bitch in the mouth.”

Anyhoo, I tried talking to Owen about it and I got nowhere so I told him this:

“You have absolutely beautiful hair and I wish I could have it too. If you want a haircut, just tell us and you can have whatever haircut you want, but we don’t change who we are because someone else doesn’t like something about us. We’re "insert last name here" and we don’t change for anybody!”

I hope I was able to get the point across. I just think that cutting his hair because someone made fun of him, adult OR child, is sending the wrong message. It isn’t the first time I’ve told him this so hopefully it will sink in along with “You can be anything you want to be,” and “Don’t eat the last bagel.” I guess time will tell.

What a giant leap of faith it is to send your baby, who hasn’t even been three for a month to school. I have never even put my dog in a kennel. To say that I trust no one doesn’t even cover it. I just don’t want them molding my sweet boy into what society says boys should be. You train an elephant by breaking his spirit and I don’t want that to happen to my son. In fact, I intend to rage against it for the entire school age years for both of my kids. I just didn’t think it would start so soon, but I’m ready. You think you’ve seen asshole? Think again. Fuck with my kids and you fuck with me and you don't want to fuck with me. School is a luxury at this point. He doesn't have to be there.

I mentioned this in an earlier post and how prolific it has turned out to be:

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
Mark Twain

Bunch of assholes!

Onesies, Sunglasses and Shark Bites

Today after Owen's bus picked him up, River and I went to the Annapolis Mall to try to find a long sleeve, white onesie for a playgroup picture. We get all the kids together once a year to have their photograph taken. Last time we did a separate one of just the babies and it turned out well so we're doing it again this year. River was the first "new baby" and the last time we did it there were only three babies, now there are five!

So we go to the mall and I get out of the van with the radio still playing because I'm listening to a Myley Cyrus song. As I am singing to this mindless dribble, I go to get the Jeep jogger out of the back which is usually pretty simple. Not realizing that I'm resting it against my leg as I tried to pop it open because I'm singing along, it pinches the chuck on the top of my leg and the pain is something I can't possibly explain. It hurt so bad that I actually screamed "MOTHER FUCKER!" right there in front of my one year old. Way to bring the ghetto to the mall with me. I knew Myley was nothing but poison.

I decided to go into the bathroom first thing fully expecting to look down and see what looks like a shark bite on my thigh. While I didn't see anything that bad, it was raised and kinda blue. It hurts when I walk. How I can maim myself while getting out of my own car is beyond me, although it shouldn't have been so shocking as I gave myself a concussion once on a roof rack in Colorado.

Anyhoo, we decided on an all white theme so all the kids are wearing white onesies, which as I learned today at the mall is much harder to find than you might think. I hobbled to five or six different stores before walking into Hanna Anderson, a store that I almost never shop in because paying $50 for a cotton dress unnerves me, but I found a onesie with a nice collar so it will be clear that she is a girl.

I also found in my travels a groovy pair of sunglasses for River. She looks like Jackie-O! How was I not suppsed to buy them? Seriously, am I a machine?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Remember Me...The Aftermath

Ok, so I finally saw Remember Me, a movie I've been waiting months for. I wanted to come home and say how wonderful it was. I wanted to come home and say that in Robert Pattinson's first roll as a normal person that he was incredible and easily carried the movie on his own. I wanted to be bouncing with joy at this wonderful movie that I couldn't wait to see again, but none of these things are true, so I can't say any of them.

The truth is, the movie had potential, but it failed on several levels.

First off, you're British. That's OK, but get a dialect coach for the love of God! Your co-star must have one because I never heard her Australian accent busting through.

Second, take smaller rolls as normal people and build up to a roll like this. As much as I adore you, you are not ready to carry a movie on your own. I don't care how great your hair is. Yes, you played Edward well in Twilight and OK in New Moon, but let's not get carried away, playing a 90 year old vampire is a lot different than playing a 22 year old college student who has real people thoughts. Playing a socially inept London crack pot and Salvador Dali did not prepare you for this. Don't get me wrong, I was totally digging you rubbing up on another guy but it prepared you for nothing.

Third, if you're Executive producer, sue the guy who did your editing because I noticed a lot of shit y'all fucked up. How can I notice that one second there is a cigarette in your mouth and then it's gone and a second later it's back and then it's gone again? Are you smoking a cigarette or not? Figure it out! How can I notice it and no one else does? The people you pay to do this need to put their dicks down and do their job. It's very frustrating and it happened several times. It's not rocket science people.

I'm not saying I wouldn't lick your toes, I'm just saying, there are two words to keep in mind, SMALLER ROLLS.

One final thing and if you haven't seen Remember Me yet and would like it to not be spoiled, STOP READING NOW!!!

September 11th is a special thing that maybe the 15 year old fans just don't get, but for me it's just too soon to make it a tag line of a movie. I went to school in Manhattan and know way too many people whose lives were terribly altered, to say the least by this horrible thing. I understand a need for a twist to shock people but it didn't need to be that. Many other things could have happened at the end of this movie and many went through my head as it neared the end, but I could have lived without this ending. Adding the whole September 11th thing in just made the movie creepy for me. When you personally know people who have had to throw away every porous thing they own because they were covered in human remains, it makes the plot twist in a movie a lot less appealing.

Sometimes I've seen movies that are so disturbing that I can't really discuss them and I'm not even sure if it was a good film or if I really liked it. It may take me a few days for it to sink in before I can figure it out. The ending just disturbed me to a point where I just haven't found the words.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Pigtails 101

Seriously? How cute can one child be?

These are River's first pigtails and I'm impressed as she's just over a year old. She has so much hair that I've been looking for new ways to keep it out of her face because if I don't watch it, it looks a little like a helmet. She also looks homeless sometimes so that's something else I have to look out for.

I put hair bows in her hair every day and at first it was because she looked so damn cute in them but then it because a necessity if we wanted to see her face. I mean she rocks a hair bow but she has started to pull them out and laugh at me when I get annoyed so I thought it was a good idea to have another plan.

These ponytails mean many things. They mean that she's got the hair of a Greek god(dess), just like her brother. They mean I get years of brushing her hair. They mean years of pulling snot out of her hair when she has a cold but most importantly they mean that she will be able to be Dorothy for Halloween this year. Those puppies are totally braidable. I tried it last year but finally, we have arrived.

Remember Me....It's On!

Remember Me is finally being released today and I have been waiting for this movie like a kid waits for an ice cream cone.

I have had the script for months and have avoided spoilers daily. This is difficult when you're both a member of Robsessed AND a Twilight Mom and before you even say it, yes I know how creepy it is that I am a member of both of those groups so I don't need to hear it from you. They are everywhere! I've avoided interviews and magazine articles and pretty much the whole press junket they did over the last two weeks in New York. I have so much stuff backed up on my DVR that it will take me weeks to get through it. It's kind of like Playboy. I've just looked at the pictures.
So, I've talked my non-Twilight loving friend into going to see it with me tonight in Annapolis. To be honest, I would have gleefully gone to see it alone because A, I didn't want to wait and B/ I LOVE seeing movies by myself. I got into the habit when my last relationship went sour and I just wanted to not be near his ass. I also think Karen will like the movie and she's always a good time.
Chris thinks I'm trying to get away from him but seeing movies on my own, while it sounds sad, turned out to be just the oposite, supprisigly liberating.
Also, any reason to post a picture of Robert Pattinson who is a big ole' piece of eyeball candy!
Because I'm an ass, I posted this yesterday. I was so excited about it that I jumped the gun. I took it down and reposted it today so it would make more sense to the lay man.


Only 112 more days........

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Heather Owens

Generally I think I know everything and in most settings I am not proven wrong, but I really like when I am. It's like when a friend calls bullshit on me when what I'm saying makes no sense. It makes me respect them more because most people just don't do that. Taking a refresher course on a subject you went to college for, falls in this category.

I was a photography major in college and I have always loved taking pictures. I cracked my first roll of film in the 5th grade and I just fell in love with it. I can still smell the stop bath and I haven't developed a roll of film or printed a photograph on Ilford Pearl B&W photo paper in 19 years.

While I still take pictures of everything, most of the well over 15,000 pictures that I have on my computer and external hard drive are of my beautiful children. They're both so photogenic that I can't help myself. I'm one of those people who could easily take 1,000 pictures in one day and not feel bad about it. No one ever says, "Damnit, I took too many pictures!"

I took a photo class today given by Heather Owens who is a really talented local photographer. The class was a very basic class about the camera and what it can do. I know what ISO, f/stop and aperture mean but it doesn't mean that I always know how to use them. I've been out of school for almost 20 years and the camera I used back then was a Minolta x-700, which is basically a fossil now. I still have it and when I pick it up, it looks like a camera my grandfather would own. It looks really out of date and there's a good reason for that. It is!
I thought Heather was really good at teaching this class in that she doesn't seem full of shit, which is refreshing. She spoke clearly about things that everyone wanted to know. There was a bit of ass kissing the teacher, but I coughed my way through that with little incident.

After class we were able to go into Tiber Alley and use our cameras to use some of the ideas she'd given us. It was nice because Tiber Alley is in Main Street, Ellicott City and underneath is is a creek and the building are old and there seemed to be old grey/brown stone everywhere, so it's really pretty.

Anyway, good day.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Rush Limbaugh Threatens to Leave the Country

Great news! Get the fuck out! I'm sure there are other countries in need of a racist pill popping asshole.

Monday, March 8, 2010


When I was pregnant with Owen I was pretty miserable from the 6 1/2 month point on, so I spent a lot of time at home. I quit my job and my first full day out of work was the day Anna Nicole Smith finally did herself in. Needless to say, I learned more about that selfish bitch that week than I ever wanted to know. However, something else far less nauseating happened that first day as well, the WB was going off the air and it played the pilot episodes of a lot of shows they'd played. As I was hiding from the ANS coverage I decided to watch some of it. The first show they played was the pilot episode of Felicity. I knew after watching the first show that I needed to watch the whole series. I waddled to Boarder's that night and bought it. Three days later I had my husband go out and buy the second year. My obsessive compulsive personality was rearing it's ugly head. It happens.

Felicity is the story of a girl from California who follows a guy to New York to go to school. She changes her college plans months before entering Stanford when she finds out where he's going. Very stalkerish and some of it is cringe worthy because, who does that? However, I fell in love with this show and watched all four years, four times before Owen was born. Senior year was so good that I think I watched it six times. As I was way past hormonal, I cried my way through all four years and I mean CRIED. I watched most of it alone and it was very moving for me. Although I was beside myself with glee when she cut her hair (which she got a lot of shit for)because it needed to be done.

I'm watching it again now because I stumbled upon it when I was cleaning and I just love Keri Russell. I think she can do no wrong. I actually liked The Waitress. Also, Scott Speedman is a piece of ass and he's my husband's age, which is refreshing. Lately every guy who I find excessively hot is 23 so it's nice when one is at least over 30. Not that it matters. I hope I never get so old where I stop finding men half my age good enough to eat. I'm married, not dead. I plan to be ninety years old and poking young hot guys in the ass with my cane.

Hi honey!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Today, I Burn My Bras.

Well, not literally.

Since before I birthed Owen, I've worn nursing bras. I wore them when it was appropriate but since my daughter is now one, I've worn them when it wasn't. Since having more children isn't even something I get to think about, It's time to move on.
On my way out of the door today to go bra shopping, my husband yelled the best thing he could have. "Get a couple. Spend some money!" While I'm not a big spender, I knew I needed to take the plunge so I was open to it. To me bras are in the "things you need" category, like toilet cleaner and new tires. There's nothing at all fun about buying these things, but you just have to do it. I like to spend money on things that are fun like Rolling Stones t-shirts for the kids or a movie I know I'll watch 30 times.
I was able to find two bras at the mall that worked. They're both black because I was bra shopping, not recreating the wheel. Black bras are how I roll. If I really needed a light coloured bra, I could always go back but I can think of no reason I'd ever need one. I don't wear white shirts. The last time I tried I ruined it before I got out of the house. Not to mention that I think I look like a corpse in white. I don't tan so this is pretty much my colour all year round.
Anyhoo, I'm trashing my nursing bras today. Wearing nursing bras well over a year after your last kid was born is just as bad as still wearing maternity pants. It just makes you feel bad about yourself. I have some maternity shorts in my closet and I plan to toss those as well. Seeing them in there is so degrading. I think they're watching me. I can almost hear them taunting me from back in the corner, "Come on chunky, you know you want me!"

Friday, March 5, 2010

I Love This Image

I think it's beautiful and it makes me feel small, which it should.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What a Difference a Day Makes

After yesterday's cluster I was holding out little hope that this morning's "Operation School Bus" would go off without a hitch. I was wrong.

We walked out to the end of our driveway at 8:55ish. I can see one side of the street through our front window but I wasn't 100% sure which way they'd be coming from. I know where the bus depot is so I guessed correctly, which is good. Now I can wait for it to come and then we can run out to meet it, leaving River in her high chair.

Owen was so excited to see that friggen bus! He jumped up and down and started screaming, "School bus, school bus!" That is much better than the ,"Momma, Momma!" that he screamed at the door of the school. He got on all by himself and even let me take a picture of him as he looked around the bus. There is a driver and an assistant so the assistant strapped him in. While it was the same driver that I spoke to yesterday, she seemed like a different person, not nearly as crusty as I remembered. Perhaps she was out of coffee yesterday.

I didn't even flinch when she said, "Oh, I thought we were picking up a boy. Is this not Owen?" See? I'm growing as a person.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality.

Beatrix Potter

Today was Owen’s first day of school. He’s been three for a little over a week so this is kind of surreal to me. Most three year olds don’t go to school yet but this program is going to be really good for him. Taking advantage of it was a no-brainer. He may need some time to adjust to it (I know I do) but once he does, I know he’ll love it.

Chris was working at home today so he was able to go with us to drop him off. He’ll usually take the bus but we wanted to take him the first day. We were able to take a few pictures while we waited for the teacher to come outside and get him. As we waited, I was not feeling upset at all, but I felt anxious. The kind of anxious I felt on the morning of my wedding. I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t feel like a normal parent if I didn’t cry, which is stupid. Once the teacher came out and said, “Is this Owen?” I started to feel normal and knew tears were a comin. I felt bad leaving him there when I know he didn’t understand what was happening. When she took him hand and started to lead him back to the class, he lost it a bit and yelled “Momma, Momma, Momma!” I could have done without that and seeing her have to carry him while he cried. I was glad when we picked him up and she said he stopped crying when he got to the room and saw the other kids and toys.

They have PE on Mondays and she said he loved that, which isn’t surprising. He’s very athletic and I’ve seen him put his arm through a door so he can do anything he wants. I bought him a good pair of shoes to start school in, just for this purpose. He loves nothing more than running and screaming like a fool. I also asked the teacher if he did everything she asked and she said he did. I was worried about that cause he likes to follow his own path, if you know what I mean.

I had to laugh when she told me that he loved snack time most of all. Milk and Goldfish? No shit! Welcome to my world.

I am so glad he's in school and a whole new world has opened up for him but there will always be a part of me that worries that his originality will be stifled. I hope he's allowed to be as interesting and creative as he's always been. He's the grooviest kid ever and I just don't want that to end.

Anyway, Sounds like a pretty good first day. Now day two, school bus. He loves talking about them but will be get on one without me? We’ll see.

Port Discovery

Since Friday is Owen’s last hoorah before school starts on Monday, we got together with some friends and went into Baltimore to Port Discovery. I think we’d been once before when Owen was very young but the only thing I remembered about the trip were the large glass doors at the entrance so it wasn’t all that memorable. I figure if I didn’t remember it, the likelihood of Owen doing so was almost nil.

We met some friends and followed them in so Owen had lots to do and lots of kids to do it with. The place is separated into different rooms to play in. The first one we went into was the diner one. It had booths lining the wall, a kitchen to cook the play food they have and even a working jukebox.

The room that seemed to be the biggest crown pleaser was the water room. There was tons of stuff in there including things to pump water and a water gun. Owen liked throwing the small toys and boats in the water and then following them down the rapids. There was even a seat for River to sit in where she could play with the toys in the water. She mostly just splashed around but she seemed to love it. The museum offers slickers for that room and we used them but I still had to wring their clothes out when we were finished. I knew they were getting soaking wet but I didn’t know how to prevent it. I guess I could have put them in short sleeves but when we got into the city, it felt like we were fighting gale forced winds.

They even have a room that’s like a Royal Farms. When we got there it was trashed from the field trippers but it was still pretty cool. The kids played with the fake groceries and cash registers and seemed to have a good time fighting over fake bottled of Tide and jockeying for position in the Royal Farms Volkswagen bug. Owen seemed Ok with Natalie driving, which I find funny cause you know about crazy red headed drivers!

I would totally go there again and it might even be more fun as the kids get older. They have a climbing thing that reached up 3 or 4 floors. I know Owen would have fun on that but it would be hard with River in tow. Also, they told us that even with the weather, there were 5 field trip buses coming that day. That’s just too many big kids for it to be safe for the little ones.

We left in time to get home for naps and still had a great time. Owen probably could have gone all day but River is cut from a different cloth. She gets pissy without a nap.