Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Super Walmart!




As any chick who is addicted to Twilight knows, New Moon comes out next month so I needed to motor if I wanted to preorder it. I checked all the places that had it offered for preorder including Best Buy, Amazon and even Walmart. There is a special Fan Edition DVD set that they only sell at Walmart so I felt like I had to go check it out. Now I’m from Tennessee where Walmart is what you do on Sundays so I grew up really liking Walmart, but what a huge nasty trailer park like warehouse it has become. I also love how the farther north you go, the shittier the “Super” Walmart becomes.

In Nashville, a Super Walmart is a huge Walmart where they basically take a regular Walmart and stick a grocery store on it. Here, they shrink every section of the regular shitty Walmart and add a shitty grocery store on to it, like we won’t notice. So, because they do that, if I am looking for something specific, I have to go to the old Walmart because they’re more apt to have it. The “old” Walmart in this area is a death trap. They have most of the walkway cordoned off because the canopy is caving in. There is nothing safe about this shithole and really it looks more like a crime scene than a place you’d take your kids to buy milk. Not to mention that I feel like we should be dodging bullets just to get into the damn store, but I needed to pre order this special New Moon so I braved it, sans kids.

Chris waited in the car with our brood while I went in alone. It took me forever to get to the front door because of the crime scene tape blocking every walkway. There’s nothing that makes you feel more like a loser than dodging cars in snowy weather, just to get into Walmart. I felt like I should have been wearing one of those shirts with my name airbrushed over the ocean. This place is the redneck Riviera.

Since I’d risked my life to get into the store, I decided to walk back to their “audio/visual” section where I fully expected to see 8-tracks and VHS tapes in this frozen in time cliché. I wanted this edition of New Moon so bad that I figured it was worth it. WRONG! I asked a woman (I think) if they had New Moon and she looked right at me with her lazy eye and through all four of her teeth said, “What’s a New Moon?” Ahhh, I thought Nashville had the market cornered on vile backwoods teethless wonders, but I guess you can run but you can’t hide. I mean, would it kill her to pick up a newspaper? At what age does that “out of touch” shit start cause I don’t want any part of it. While not a fan of most music and movies that are out today, at least I’ve heard of them and can usually carry on a conversation if someone brings it up. How you don’t know what New Moon is in 2010 is beyond me, even if you hate it. Hell, Burger King had a promotion when the movie came out on November. This woman looked like she’d met the King once or 500 times so there really was no excuse for her ignorance OR her teeth.

I tried to be the bigger person (which is rare) and let it go but her toothless reaction made me giggle. I couldn’t help myself.

All that and they didn't even have it. I came home and was able to buy it online. Hopefully their online is better than the store. It has to be, right?

Ok, I must go, Twilight is on Showtime again. Priorities people!

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