Monday, February 8, 2010

Never Again!

I always make fun of my husband for being a bit hoytie toytie and since he is, I never really feel bad about it. I mean he isn’t over the top with it. He just only eats certain brands. I get the Hellmann mayonnaise thing but only eating Del Monte vegetables because Homer Simpson does, is just stupid.

I do not love many things but I can talk all day about things that I hate. This may be my own hoytie toytie moment and I have no problem admitting that. I have hated Shoppers Food Warehouse since I moved to Maryland in 1992. It was the only market I could get to so I had to go there for my food and I hated it. It was like a big dirty Kmart for food. I hated it so much that when I moved, I purposely didn’t move anywhere where I’d have to go to one regularly. In fact, I haven’t been to one since. It always skeeved me and since I’ve had the ability to go anywhere, I’ve always gone somewhere else, even if I had to drive farther.

Well the blizzard of 2010 hit this weekend and we were running out of diapers, wipes, milk, bread and everything else we seem to use on a daily basis. I ventured out to Babies R Us tonight by myself so we wouldn’t have to take the kids. I bought the diaper and wipes and then since Shoppers Food Warehouse is connected to it, I just walked over. I must say that I had a deep conversation with myself about the NEED to go to Shoppers. I tried to convince myself that driving to Giant was OK and that the roads weren’t that bad. In the end, the mother in me won over and I went into Shoppers because it was the safest thing to do.

BIG MISTAKE! That place is just the shit hole that I remember. When I walked in the door and saw the big display of salt and vinegar pork rinds, I should have turned around then. Who eats that shit? I certainly don’t want to know but a display for pork rinds, really? Also, every single thing I was looking for was priced higher than it is at Giant or even Safeway. Don’t even get me started on the social rejects they have working there. Do I want my Goldfish in a bag? Who asks that? No, please take them out and allow me to carry each one of them in my fucking mouth! By the time I got to checkout and was asked that question, I almost doubled over in laughter and actually asked the girl if I was in the Twilight Zone. I looked around for a camera. I couldn’t believe people are really that stupid. Seriously, that place is the armpit of grocery stores. By the time I got out of there, I felt so dirty that I almost felt moist. I just needed to bathe.

As if that wasn’t enough, an odd man touched my arm to ask me a question that was just this side of gibberish. I never figured out what he wanted and was able to make him go away by moving my arm away from him and saying “Ohhh, no touching.” He grimaced and walked away. I’m pretty sure he was wearing a wig as well. Fucking spooky. I was glad once I was out in the dark parking lot. I felt safe again.

You know in movies when people disappear and they never find them? I always thought that they have their brains sucked out and are taken some place to wander around aimlessly, chewing on their lips constantly and scratching the dandruff from their hair while stumbling and mumbling around. Now I know where those fuckers go.

Never again, Shoppers Food, never again.


  1. I think this was the highlight of my weekend Michelle. Hey, at least you got OUT OF THE HOUSE. I've been here since Friday. Not too happy either.

    When we lived in VA I would go to Shoppers often, Chuck HATED it, I think he would absolutely love this post.

    Hope you guys are doing well!

  2. I HATE Shoppers too! The meat is always rotten. The food is in strange aisles too. Why would toothpaste be in the same aisle as spices and cheese???