Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Our friend Lisa has a son named Brady. He and Owen have been in a playgroup together since well before they were one. They'll both be turning three soon so that's most of their lives. Lisa also has a son named Bennett who just turned one. So, our kids are pretty much the same age, which is nice.

I love this playgroup because I think the kids play well together and I really like the moms. They're all a bit younger than me, but what mom isn't. I take that back, I think Laura is my age.

Anyhoo, we were invited to Bennett's first birthday party at Lisa's house in Ellicott City. I always try yo go to the kid's Birthday parties because I have had to miss some or whatever reasons and I hate to do that. They all try to come to the Birthday parties we have so I make a point to go to theirs. The kids have such a great time, why would I want to miss it?

Chris and I took the kids together. We didn't know most of the people because I'm sure they were her and her husband's family, but they were all really nice and welcoming. The food was really good. They had chicken nuggets for the kids. You just can't go wrong with chicken nuggets. Lisa's mother brought exploding potato salad from a restaurant in Frederick. It was ridiculously good. I think River ate her weight in that stuff and I could have as well. It was the best potato salad I've ever had. It was hot and yummy!

Everything was going great. Owen was playing well with the other kids and River was crawling around waving to everyone and saying "hello!" So cute.

When it was time to sing happy Birthday, Chris picked Owen up so he could see the Birthday boy. It was then that it happened. Owen's eyes and the cake met. Once that happened, he immediately jumped down and jockied for a seat next to the Birthday boy and got right up front. Owen didn't take his eyes off the cake the whole time they were cutting it and he turned on the charm. Owen's charm consists of saying "cake, cake, cake" until someone gives up a piece, which worked. I hear someone say, "Oh, she wants a piece of cake." I let the crack on my son's hair go so I could get to him before he ate the gigantic piece he was given. It was then that I realized he was sitting right where they were putting out the cake for the guests to take. That meant he was front and center with about 5 or 6 pieces of cake.

By the time I got over to him, he had two forks, one in each hand and was hovering them both over two pieces of cake that weren't his. I yelled, "Owen, those aren't yours!" I was able to grab his hands and stop him form putting either fork (both covered with icing) into his mouth. I took his original piece of cake into my hands and looked at him, as he looked at me and turned to walk away. I held the cake into the air and said. "I've got your cake," like he was the fat kid at the playground. I felt bad doing it but it worked so I let go of the torture.

It was about this time that Owen lost his shit and I mean, LOST HIS SHIT. Owen ran behind me whining and I knew it was time to go, pronto. He threw himself on the ground, kicking and screaming. I actually thought to myself, "can I kick him without anyone seeing?" We only had the time it took for me to give him a few bites to get our shit together and throw the kids out the door. The clock was ticking. Chris gave him a few bites while I gathered up our stuff and when we were almost ready, Owen lost his shit and I mean, lost his shit.

Chris carried him to the car, kicking and screaming. It was almost embarrassing. He managed to strap him in, which I'm certain was no easy task. I got River in her seat and we got the hell out of there before another party goer called CPS.

Owen was kicking Chris's seat and screaming something awful. It was so bad that I wanted to plow the van into a fucking tree. We got about a mile down Route 40 when we couldn't take it any longer. I thought better of this and we decided to pull over and let Owen eat the rest of the piece of cake he'd been given. So there we sat, in the Merchant bank parking lot while Owen smiled like the cat that swallowed the canary and ate his cake. After he was finished, it was time to get back into his seat. He was not a fan of that and started screaming again and asking for more cake. When I say asking I mean screaming while spit flies out of his mouth and kicking Chris's seat as hard as he can.

He screamed all the way down Route 40, and Route 29 and Route 100. I thought he was tire of it and maybe even fall asleep, but no such luck. I mean, I love my boy, but I seriously wanted to drop kick him.

Anyway, we really did have a great time and we just can't wait til River's party, which is in a couple of weeks so he can pull this shit in our very own home! Yay Owen!

Look at me, I made it through a whole post without mentioning Edward Cullen once! Oh shit, almost made it!


  1. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious:) I love reading what you write...Owen is adorable he just acted how all of us wanted to but didn't.

  2. Michelle- Chuck and I LOVED it. Hysterical. I have to say, he sat here and listened to me read it all to him...you are too funny. How many times have I wanted to leave the house in the morning without my daughter?? Several:-). I feel your pain:-).