Oh my God, I am so f'ing sick! Not sick, but sick sick. I feel like I fell out of a very tall tree and hit the ground on my throat. As I sat at my computer on Friday night, I turned to my husband and said, "My throat hurts." Forty minutes later, I was in bed, in the fetal position, shivering like I was laying on ice and completely unable to move.
My husband helped me by turning up the heat (it was already 75 degrees) and putting socks on my feet. He gave me his sweatpants but I couldn't do anything to put them on. If the blanket moved even a little bit, it actually hurt my skin, not to mention the wind it created that felt more like an Arctic chill. I was shaking so badly that at one point in the night, I threw up. My stomach muscles were spent. My joints hurt so bad that even today when I do feel a little better, I am limping a bit because my knees and ankles hurt so terribly.
I probably should have gone to the doctor on Saturday. I know this but I put if off because I am petrified of a throat culture. Petrified! I have some claustrophobia issues and someone being all up on my face and shoving something down my throat, I don't handle it well. One of my biggest fears in life is to be intubated. I have dreams where I wake up with a tube down my throat. I haven't had a successful throat culture since I was 10! Back when I got my gallbladder removed, I had to get a bunch of tests done. My mother told me to suggest an upper GI. I made the mistake of looking it up online and made a pact with myself that I would NEVER mention this to the doctor and did not. I'd rather have someone shove something up my ass than down my throat!
Being this sick sucks when you don't know why. I haven't grabbed my babies and kissed them since Friday night. I usually do that 50 times a day. I feel like there is fur growing in my throat and I don't want to share that with the family. Until this morning, I hadn't showered since then either which was just vile but when you can't stand, it's out of the question. My husband was very good about it. I wanted to take a bath but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get out, once I got in. I think this was a fair thought.
I was able to get into see a Dr in my Doctor's office this morning. My regular doctor was booked so I saw the other one who I think I might like better. We shared a moment and she wasn't an ass about it, which was nice, but we'll talk more about that later. We waited in the lobby for only about 15 minutes and Owen played around. Once I checked in, I thought they might make me wear a mask because I have some flu symptoms. I was thankful they didn't because its another one of those things that I have trouble doing. I went back and waited for the doctor, thinking the whole time about the throat culture.
She finally came in and talked to me for a bit. Understanding me is tough because I can barely talk. She checked my ears, lungs and then my throat. I was upfront about the amount of pain I was having as I know lying to her so she doesn't do the culture is just stupid, but don't think it didn't cross my mind. She said "I'll be right back." I knew where she was going but tried to trick myself into thinking she was doing something else. Maybe she wanted a consult because there was something amazing in my throat. Maybe there really IS fur growing in there! I actually said that to myself out loud. She came back into the room with a handful of swabs and said, "I'm gonna swab you to death!" When she turned to look at me, I was already crying.
I tell people that I am petrified of throat cultures and no one ever really gets it. How could they? I'm an adult and should be able to just do it. I'm so glad my kids weren't there because it was a low moment for me. I didn't even know what to say to her. I was so embarrassed that I didn't speak until she said "what's wrong?" I said this to her, "I know I'm almost 40 years old and I should just be able to do this, but I can't do a throat culture, I just can't. I really want to be able to and I'm embarrassed to be saying this to you, but I can't do it." Now at any point she could have looked away and rolled her eyes (some have and that's why these women are my new doctors) but she did not. She said, "some people have a deep visceral reaction to a throat culture and just can't help it." It was such a comforting response and I was impressed. Nothing impresses me so when it happens, I'm always shocked.
So in the end, she said that I either have the flu or strep throat. I let her do the swab of my nose, which was nothing. Owen made it look awful so I was worried. I should have known the kicking the pediatrician in the balls was all for show! The results will be back later this week and if I don't have the flu, then the antibiotics I'm on are already doing their job. My highest temp was 102.7, I think and that was Friday. I don't even have a temp anymore, so I'm obviously on the mend. Maybe it's the salt water gargle which is horrific if you're curious.
I posted a picture of my husband above because he's been so good to us this week while I was down. He has taken care of the kids all by himself and hasn't complained once. He's BadAss!