I've never been one of those girls with an endless need to belong. I have a really good sense of self worth and am capable of standing on my own and realizing I'm good enough for anyone. My mother always told me that it's good when people like you but if everyone likes you, you're doing something wrong. I've never been a fan of cliques and have often been drawn to all kinds of people from all different kinds of backgrounds for friends. My friends have always been diverse in many ways but for the most part, they always had one thing in common, they weren't full of shit. So when I find people I thought were my "friends" acting like 7th graders, it surprises me, I think.
My first mistake is that I use the word "friend" way too loosely and will change that as of this day. From today on, the people I call my friends will earn my friendship as I do theirs by treating me and my family with respect. I will be there for them when they need me and I expect the same. I don't care if our political views differ, if they're of a different race or if they sleep with their kids in a big family bed and have a "Diaper Free" home. However, I insist that they care if I live or die and that they respect my beautiful children, even when they misbehave.
I love my husband and love nothing more than hanging out with him after the kids go to bed. I find him endlessly interesting. He is, by far, the smartest man I have ever known. Sometimes I just like to listen to him talk. He might be surprised to hear this as he often gets the "put a period on it" when he's gone on too long but I really like that he always has something to say, even if it's a story I've heard ten times. However, a girl needs girls to talk to as well if only for the understanding that a man can never offer. Chris would never be able to have an educated discussion about mucus plugs, ligament pains or nursing and probably wouldn't want to. Somethings only another woman can understand. That being said, I have decided to cut my losses in the girlfriend department and admit to myself, they're just not that into me.
While I think there is nothing wrong with not always fitting in, there is something wrong with no one caring that you do. I've always been a bit different than most and it has never bothered me. I've always thought that the worst thing you can be is just like somebody else. Having people treat you and your children like an afterthought is hurtful. I don't care who you are. I'm a big girl and I can handle it it myself, but when I feel like it could possibly be directed at my children, I'm done.
I've had total shut off. My emotional detachment is complete. I'd been fighting it for a while, telling myself that I was playing the joiner for my kids but now I realize that I need to teach them a better lesson. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you allow people to walk all over you, act like you don't exist or to think that they're better than you, they always will. However, if you tell someone that they will treat you with respect or be alone, they'll treat you with respect because you demand it. The bottom line is, I'd rather be alone for the right reasons that have a million friends for the wrong reasons. My kids are good kids, even if others don't think so. They have personalities that make you smile and they're good friends to have. People should be lucky I've allowed them to spend any time at all with them as it is a privilege.
If my children get anything from me, I hope it's this: Don't walk around thinking you're better than anyone else because people hate assholes like that, but don't you ever think that anyone is better than you! And THAT, my friends is deserving of a big ole' high five!