Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Happy Birthday to ME!

On Friday, I turn 39. While I have no problem being 39, it IS a little odd to see it coming so soon. I thought people who were 39 had their checkbooks balanced and all their shit together. Boy was I wrong. Sometimes I still feel 17 until I catch a glimpse of my ass in the mirror, notice the gray in my hair or bend over to pick up my 2 year old and have to take an extra breath.

I’ve learned a lot of things in my 39 years and I’m sure I’ve forgotten a lot as well. I know that I’ve never met anyone else in my life that takes birthdays as seriously as I do. I don’t think anyone has ever cared as much for their birthday as I have for my own. I love birthdays! I think they are a day to celebrate everything you are, everything you’ve survived and all you’ve done right. Every other day of my life, I do for others. Every other day of my life, my children and family come first and I totally love that, but I think on your birthday, you should be celebrated, by the ones who love you and yourself. What’s wrong with that?

There were times in my life when we had to worry so much about money that thinking of a birthday gift for yourself was just selfish. While I hope my kids never have to have that be a concern, it’s made it a lot easier to appreciate what I do get and I never expect gifts and am always honestly shocked and appreciative when someone remembers my birthday.

This year has been a tough one and it isn’t because it’s my last birthday in my 30s. With the exception of my husband and close family, I feel like everyone just forgot. I know people are busy and have other things on their minds, but it really hurts when your birthday seems to be an afterthought. I’m a big girl and I can handle it, but it still sucks.

I also think that a normal thing to do as you approach 40 is to look back at your life and wonder if it was all worth it. Have I done anything that has made my life to this point, worth living? If I’d asked myself that question 3 years ago, I don’t think I would have had an answer, but since the day I found out I was pregnant with my son, I knew there were other things for me to do. When I go to bed at night, I’ve earned my pillow. I spend all day engaging my children and teaching them all I can. I’m so lucky that I get to spend so much time with them and miss very little. I watch them learn new things daily and am so proud of them! I love to look in their eyes and see myself and realize how important I am to them. It’s a good feeling. I know that no matter how often my friends may let me down that my children will always be there for me and will always love me and allow me to love them. I know that they don’t care how much dog hair is on the floor because they’d rather have me play with them than vacuum and they’d rather have me step over the piles of laundry to take them outside to play. They don’t care about that stuff, they just want to be with their Momma and I’m so proud of that.

I have a wonderful family and I’m a lucky, lucky Momma!

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