Monday, August 31, 2009

Lying 101

Is it ever OK to lie? I don't mean a lie like "I'll be there in 5 minutes" and you get there in 10. I mean a lie. The kind of lie that is bad enough where it would really hurt some one's feelings if they knew the truth.

Why is it easier to say, " I can't, I have to do something," than it is to just tell the truth? "I don't feel like it today." Was that so hard? People lie way too much. The biggest reason people seem to lie is to make themselves look better, which is just so sad, isnt't it? Do you think I really care if you can afford the things you buy, or buy it all on credit? As long as I'm not responsible for your bills, spend away. It doesn't affect me, but don't lie about it.

When I was younger and still in school, I would often lie to get out of it. I hated school. I didn't peak there and I couldn't wait to get out. I lied to get out of doing almost any kind of group activity. I just wasn't a joiner. I would lie to my mother and tell her I was sick, so I didn't have to go to school to do something I wasn't interested in doing. The problem was, whenever I did this, I always ended up getting sick. Maybe I was just such a good liar that my body believed it. So I knew if I lied to get out of school on Friday, I'd be sick and wouldn't be able to go out that night. So, I tried to keep my lying on a Mon-Thursday schedule. It was because of this that when I first had Owen, I told myself that I would never use him being sick as an excuse to get out of something and I haevn't. Not one time. I think using my kids to lie in general just sounds so wrong so I don't do it.

Parents are weird, especially the new ones. Some of them lie about how many teeth their kids have, how soon they sit up or walk and they lie about the things they learn. It's all just so sad. I don't understand the need to do this. Kids grow and learn at different rates. Who, besides you, cares if your kid does it first? How do you teach your kids not to lie if you spend all day doing it in their name? In my grown up daily life, I don't lie. I don't have to. I'm secure with my family, where I live, what I have. I'm not trying to keep up with anybody, I covet nothing someone else has. I get no better or no worse than I am right now. You either like me or you don't. If you don't like me now, you never will. In the end it doesn't even matter if I'm liked. My family adores me, my husband treats me like a queen and my kids think I hung the moon. If I didn't agree, that would still be enough.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sweet Baby Jayce!

Our friend Angie had her baby boy today, well last night. It seemed like she was pregnant forever. She looked great the whole time and slowly got bigger, but it was all baby. Her ass never got big and her face looked the same for the entire pregnancy. Bitch.

Anyhoo, I visited them at the hospital tonight and got to hold that sweet baby. Even with a 7 month old, you forget how tiny babies are. While my kids were never that small, he's still over 8 pounds so he's big for a baby. Still, he seemed so small. He has the sweetest little hands. I love baby hands and feet and still take many pictures of the feet of my children, when they'll let me. It's harder to get a good picture than you might think.

This sweet baby couldn't happen to a better family. Angie is a wonderful person and her husband is a joy. She's lucky she found him first. If I'd found Chris back in the day, I'd have been all over his ass like a bad polyester suit!

But I digress, all of her babies are beautiful and I'm not surprised this one is any different.

Way to go Angie!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga.............

Before my son was two, I did everything I could to get him to watch TV, but he just wasn't interested. I don't mean lay around all day watching TV while I did my nails and ate bon-bons, I just wanted him watching quality television that he could learn something from. I started out with Sesame Street, which isn't what it used to be but he just refused to watch it. It was sometime right before his second birthday that he discovered The Wiggles.

I'd heard a bit about the Wiggles so I looked them up on my DVR and recorded a few shows. I watched them w/o him to make sure they weren't as bad a a big purple dinosaur or as boring as Dora. I was surprised how good they were for children's programing. We started watching them together and Owen was immediately hooked. I shouldn't have been surprised as anything with music seemed to immediately attract Owen. He started learning things from them as soon as we started watching. He danced around the room and repeated everything that came out of their mouths and soon had us shopping for a guitar of his own to play along with Murray.

I soon found myself shopping for the collection of Wiggles dolls, adding DVDs and CDs to his Amazon Wishlist and signing both my children up for the Wiggles fan club. The Wiggles fan club is how I found out that they were going on tour. When I searched for these tickets, you would have thought it was Duran Duran's final tour. I looked for these things and kept checking back to see if they were coming closer to us than PA. I figured the tour schedule that was out was all there was going to be, so I bought the tickets. We got there in just under two hours and were able to buy Owen a bunch of Wiggles stuff before the show.

The lights went down and my cameras came out. I was able to take a lot of video of Owen and the show. They mentioned many times that they thought parents videoing or taking pictures was a good idea. I'm not sure why but it was words to my friggen ears. Owen was afraid when the music first started cause he'd never been to anything like this before. He jumped in my lap, buried his head and held on tight. He came around quickly when he heard "Big Red Car."

It was worth every penny and we all had a great time and are planning to take him again when they're at The Verizon Center in November. I can't wait! I loved watching Owen sing and dance and clap his hands. He learned all of that from them so it was a full circle moment. I actually felt a little teary when he was in my lap and I saw him realizing that the people in front of him on the stage were the same people he watches and sings with every day. He also enjoyed something I never let him do. All the popcorn he could eat and he took FULL advantage.
Probably the best park of the whole thing was the next morning when I was getting Owen changed and he refused to leave his room before I put his Wiggles shirt on him.

Good stuff.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Alone time

How old do kids have to be before you let them play outside alone?

My husband and I have had countless conversations on this since I was pregnant with our first child. It is one of the only real differences we have on parenting. I mean, I like to know where my dog is at all times and he thinks I’m going to let my son play outside without me? Not likely.

I understand that at some point, this has to happen. We have a park up the street that when he’s 10 or so, he should be able to ride his bike to so he can play…Oh, but wait a minute. He can’t do that because of the child sexual offender who leaves two houses down from the same park. If my son has to pass a child molester’s house on the way to the park, he ain’t goin! Is it smart to even let him play where I can’t see him, knowing this villain is just up the street? I mean, at least I know about this pig. How many others that live around here that I don’t know about, totally creep me out.

When I was in the 3rd and 4th grade, I walked what must have been well over a mile to get to my school. All of my friends seemed to do it as well and we usually walked almost the whole way together until we split up to go to our separate streets. But that was (Jesus) about 30 years ago. I would never allow Owen to do that now. Times have changed and something can happen in an instant that could change our lives forever. It just isn’t worth it to me. Things like this are why I am a stay at home Momma. I want to drive my kids to school. That’s my job.

One of my sister’s Girl Scout buddies was abducted, raped and murdered while out delivering cookies when we were kids. They just found the jackass that did it and put him in jail last year. I’ve always followed this story online over the years and I’m glad they finally put that pig in prison but stuff like this just sticks with you. I was 10 when Adam Walsh was abducted and I’ve never forgotten it. How do you leave your kids alone outside, while shopping in a mall or even at your local market after seeing what happened to these kids? I just don’t want to be too over protective and make him hide things from us.

I just don’t have the answer

Hey leadfoot, get off the gas!

I've heard a lot lately about how aggressive I am. I can't argue this point because it is completely true. It isn't something I'm super proud of or go out of my way to do, it just seems to come naturally. I think one of the worst feelings in the world is when someone gets the best of you, therefor, I don't allow that to happen. It's a sickness really, always having to be right.

My husband told me last week that my driving needs work. He doesn't understand why when someone is an idiot on the road, I feel it's my duty to teach them a lesson. I agree with him 100%. I have made a point since said conversation to try to drive more calmly. I seem to speed even when I'm not in a hurry and have no place to be. I have zero patience and I hate that about myself. I think I've caught myself driving like an asshole four or five times this week for no reason. I get so angry when I drive. I can't figure out what my problem is.
It isn't like I'm only aggressive when I drive. I'm a pretty confrontational person in general. This comes in handy when someone is rude to me or says something nasty about my children, but sometimes I think I leave the house in the morning looking for an argument. Like I'm just waiting for someone to piss me off. It would be one thing if it were always a subconscious thing I'm doing, but it isn't. It makes no sense.
I think I'll start with my driving and maybe that will bleed over into other parts of my life. We'll see. Driving like a normal person is harder than you think when you're first attempting it at 39. Half of me is thinking, "slow down Michelle, you aren't in a hurry" while the other half of me is screaming, "Get that piece of shit out of my way!"
Baby steps.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Ultra HD Flip Video

I’m always complaining to my husband that we don’t take enough video of the kids. We have video cameras and they just aren’t convenient so I don’t carry them with me. Today my husband gave me a birthday gift that put an end to all my bitching, which I think was his master plan. I'd never even heard of this before my brother's visit. He had one and seemed to really like it.

My husband bought me an Ultra HD Flip video camera for my birthday. Pure Digital makes it and it totally rocks! It holds up to 120 minutes of video, and plugs directly into my computer. It has 8 GBs of memory with a 2.0 large screen. I’ve made something like 17 videos so far and have not one single complaint about it. I love greeting my kids after a nap with a video camera to capture their sweetness..

We’ve used our “fancy” video recorder for things like births and baptisms, but don’t pull that thing out often. I carry my SLR in my diaper bag every time I leave the house and I will keep this with me as well. I don’t usually miss much with my SLR and I can imagine I won’t miss anything with this Flip as well. All part of my master plan. Total domination of my family’s likenesses. It is never ending. It would probably be a lot easier if they weren’t so damn cute!

There is no such thing as too many pictures or videos of your kids. I have no excuse for missing anything ever again. I’m a video makin fool!
Also, Happy Birthday to me........

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It's a Wonderful Life!

My mother’s favorite movie is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It is one of my favorites as well and I make a point to watch it every year. What an interesting idea. It always makes me wonder what would be different if I weren’t here. The saddest part of this thinking is that neither one of my children would be here and that is something that I just can’t imagine.

I didn’t win the congressional medal of honor and I didn’t rescue my father’s Building and Loan but I go out of my way, every day to be a damn good mother and I can’t think of one thing that is more important than that. I could work full time and bring home a million dollars a year, but would I really know my kids? I drive a Honda and it’s the perfect car for us. Would I be a better person if I strived to drive a more expensive car or bought a car for my spare time that my kids didn’t fit in? Would I be a better parent if I only shopped at high-end stores for my kids? I love it when mothers buy clothes they can’t really afford for their kids so their friends will think they can. It’s just laughable. I just don’t have that in me. Hell, I didn’t have that in me in high school. I never had a need to “keep up with the Joneses” and it turns me off when people feel the need to present themselves as more than they are to make themselves look better to others.

I just want to be a good mother to my kids because they deserve it. Even when Owen is driving my crazy, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Sometimes when I put River down at night, I can’t believe it’s been a whole day again. I miss my kids when they sleep and the thought of not having them here with me is something I can’t really even bring myself to think about. The truth is, I really do have a wonderful life. I have beautiful kids and a husband that adore me. I have family that supports me and wants great things for me. What’s more wonderful than that?

Happy Birthday to ME!

On Friday, I turn 39. While I have no problem being 39, it IS a little odd to see it coming so soon. I thought people who were 39 had their checkbooks balanced and all their shit together. Boy was I wrong. Sometimes I still feel 17 until I catch a glimpse of my ass in the mirror, notice the gray in my hair or bend over to pick up my 2 year old and have to take an extra breath.

I’ve learned a lot of things in my 39 years and I’m sure I’ve forgotten a lot as well. I know that I’ve never met anyone else in my life that takes birthdays as seriously as I do. I don’t think anyone has ever cared as much for their birthday as I have for my own. I love birthdays! I think they are a day to celebrate everything you are, everything you’ve survived and all you’ve done right. Every other day of my life, I do for others. Every other day of my life, my children and family come first and I totally love that, but I think on your birthday, you should be celebrated, by the ones who love you and yourself. What’s wrong with that?

There were times in my life when we had to worry so much about money that thinking of a birthday gift for yourself was just selfish. While I hope my kids never have to have that be a concern, it’s made it a lot easier to appreciate what I do get and I never expect gifts and am always honestly shocked and appreciative when someone remembers my birthday.

This year has been a tough one and it isn’t because it’s my last birthday in my 30s. With the exception of my husband and close family, I feel like everyone just forgot. I know people are busy and have other things on their minds, but it really hurts when your birthday seems to be an afterthought. I’m a big girl and I can handle it, but it still sucks.

I also think that a normal thing to do as you approach 40 is to look back at your life and wonder if it was all worth it. Have I done anything that has made my life to this point, worth living? If I’d asked myself that question 3 years ago, I don’t think I would have had an answer, but since the day I found out I was pregnant with my son, I knew there were other things for me to do. When I go to bed at night, I’ve earned my pillow. I spend all day engaging my children and teaching them all I can. I’m so lucky that I get to spend so much time with them and miss very little. I watch them learn new things daily and am so proud of them! I love to look in their eyes and see myself and realize how important I am to them. It’s a good feeling. I know that no matter how often my friends may let me down that my children will always be there for me and will always love me and allow me to love them. I know that they don’t care how much dog hair is on the floor because they’d rather have me play with them than vacuum and they’d rather have me step over the piles of laundry to take them outside to play. They don’t care about that stuff, they just want to be with their Momma and I’m so proud of that.

I have a wonderful family and I’m a lucky, lucky Momma!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Songs for my Babies

There are many songs that I love, but I only reserve a few to sing to my children. I mean, I always sing Rio when we're at the beach, make up songs daily with the kids names in them and Owen and I dancing around the kitchen listening to 80s rap is a frequent occurrence. He seems to love it as much as I do, and that's just fine by me.

But I have special, sweet songs that I sing to my babies when I want them to relax and go to sleep. These are songs that I have loved as long as I can remember, which is funny because they aren't all that old. One, was released in 1988 and another is a favorite of my mothers.

Sometimes when I listen to a couple of these songs, I tear up. I find them so beautiful and so moving that it is amazing. Why would I not want to share them with my children during a beautiful, peaceful moment? Who cares if most of them are from before they were born?

These are the ones I sing daily:

Sweet Baby James ~ James Taylor

Lullabye (Goodnight my Angel) ~ Billy Joel

These are a few other we love:

Forever Young ~ Rod Stewart

Sister Golden Hair Surprise ~ America

The Moldy Peaches ~ Anyone Else But You

I have a secret love of James Taylor and love everything he does, but this song that he wrote when his nephew and namesake was born is my personal favorite. I can't hear it too much. I love singing them to the kids and they seem to always listen. If you ever feel like you aren't inspired enough to write a poem for your children, listen to the first two songs a few times and I'm sure you'll feel differently. They're moving when listened to with your own children.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


So it's official. Owen and River have a brand spankin new cousin! Her name is Marie and she's beautiful. She was born today and weighs 6 lbs and 14 ozs. and is 19 inches long. I haven't seen her yet but the pictures are wonderful. She looks so tiny and we can't wait to meet her.
When someone this close to your family gives birth, you can't help but recall your own experience. I hope hers was as good as ours. I loved out doctors, nurse, hospital, OBGYN and Pediatrician. It really makes a huge difference.
We can't wait to take the kids down for a visit. I will love to see Owen loving and kissing on his new cousin. Oh, the photo shoots we'll have!
Way to go Meghan!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I still love Bill Clinton!

I love Bill Clinton and I don’t care who knows it! I voted for him twice and would do it again. Even with all his issues, I think he was an excellent President who may not have done everything right, but did more right than wrong.

The difference between most right wing nut jobs and me is that I think what happens in your bedroom is private and should not be government mandated. So, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass who he was or was not sleeping with. That is between him and his wife and is none of my concern. I voted for him to be my President, not my Pope and I think he did a great job.

Today he was on a planned trip to North Korea to talk to that tiny little leader, il about bringing the two journalists that wondered onto North Korean soil apparently on accident. They were sentenced to 12 years hard labor and everyone wanted them to come home. Bill Clinton made it happen when nobody else probably could, because other countries love him. It would have done no good to send any other living President. They would’t even have met with Bush. Bill Clinton is loved and respected by other countries. I can’t think of one single country that feels that way about George Bush. Leaders went out of their way at the G20, not to shake his hand while he was still President.

I have been a bit pissed by Obama lately because of the issue of gays in the military. I think he needs to get cracking on what he promised and stop educated 20-year combat veterans of three wars who are still serving, from being thrown out of the military because they are gay. I still think I made the right decision when I voted for him and I don’t question that for a second. At least with Obama there is a chance of this happening. If McCain were President, he’d be towing the line of the religious right and this would only be a dream. I CAN tell you this. If "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" isn’t repealed in the next 3 ½ years, I WILL NOT vote for Obama for a 2nd term. I will never vote for anyone again who thinks this kind of judgment in our military is OK. In my opinion, the same people who today are saying “You aren’t good enough to fight for your country and die because you are gay”, are the same people who said 50+ years ago that you need to sit in the back of the bus because you are black. I see no difference.

I can tell you that sending Bill Clinton to North Korea was pure genius. I think it was just the best idea and it paid off. People will say he had no business being there and they’ll sound like idiots. It’s easy to say those things when these aren’t your daughters or your sisters. These women get to come home now to their husbands and their children. Isn’t that what matters here?

My husband sent me this quote from the Post: "Still, there was some immediate criticism. "This is a reward for hostage-taking," said former U.N. ambassador John R. Bolton, who advocates a hard line in U.S. policies toward North Korea. "Will Bill be off to Tehran next to get those backpackers out?" Wouldn’t that be great? “No man left behind.” I think I heard that somewhere. Maybe it was written on the side of Scott Speicher’s plane when we left him out there for 18 years. The military does great things, but they obviously don’t do everything right. This guy worked under Reagan, Bush #41 and Bush #43 so of course he’ll find fault. I of course didn’t see him doing anything to get them back, not that he would. It’s always easier to do nothing and sit back and bitch.

Anyway, way to go Bill Clinton!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Danny Boy......

On a recent trip back to Nashville, I decided to stop by the cemetery to visit my grandparents. The cemetery is right outside the city and although I don’t get there often, I always try to make a stop here when I’m visiting. My grandparents died in 1977 and 1983 and for some reason I am always able to drive straight to their graves. I feel like I forget everything, but I always remember right where they are, on a hill, overlooking downtown Nashville.

This visit was a bit different as it was the first time I’d been there since I’d had the kids. I was visiting this time as a parent and it just felt more like a learning experience for the kids to know a little about their great grandparents. Now my son is only two so I know he didn’t understand what I was telling him, but I told him anyway. I explained who they were to me and to him and how wonderful they were. I wanted him to know that the names on the stone were also names that he and his sister had and that they were very special names. As we drove away, I found myself playing one of my grandmother’s favorite songs in the car. It was the same song I had played in the church when I got married because she couldn’t be there. It is a beautiful old Irish song. I attached it below.

I plan to take them again when they’re older and hopefully even when they are adults so they can see where Momma came from and who was important to her when she was growing up. It’s always important to know where you came from and although there are no real winners or losers in the game a life, it must be a great accomplishment for your grandchildren to still be telling their children, whom you never even got a chance to meet, how wonderful you were well over 25 years after you're gone.

Who loves ya baby?

There is nothing more beautiful than watching my children together. They don’t really “play” together yet since she’s only six months old, but they sure seem to have fun together.

When we first brought River home, Owen was interested but not afraid or jealous. He is very good with her and really always has been. There have been a few times that he seems visibly upset because she was using something that had been his. The swing was the first. We put River in the swing and Owen just stood there, looking at her like he saw his youth passing by and then cried an odd cry that I’d never really heard from him. I think he was hurt and needed extra loving. Another was recently when I gave River her first sippy cup of formula. While it was a new BPA free cup, it looked just like his old ones and he cried and cried. I mean, he already had a cup of milk in his hand, he just wanted hers as well. I think he got past it, which he usually does quickly without holding a grudge. He seems to lover her so.

River seems completely amused by him. He will dance and sing around the room, like always and she just watches him and she giggles out loud. She never seems to get tired of watching him. I think she is learning a lot by watching him and it is fun to see her wheels turning while learning from him. I think it will be interesting to see how much earlier she does things since she has him to learn from. He had to go it alone and she’s lucky enough to have a big brother who has done it all already.

Sometimes he will go over to her and touch her face and in a high-pitched voice say ”Hi Baby River”, it really is very sweet. I didn’t think he would be like that. I guess because he’s so big, I thought he’d be rough with her or jealous. I was worried he’d accidentally hurt her while getting a toy from her that was his, but he’s just never done that. When she DOES have a toy he wants, he very carefully takes it from her. He’s the gentle giant and I didn’t see it coming. I’m glad I was wrong.

There is nothing sweeter than hearing Owen in the next room talking to his sister in the high-pitched voice that he reserves only for her and to hear her giggle back is priceless. The kisses he gives her a million times a day are a beautiful, beautiful thing.